All The Way In
by CPDxOTHLove
Summary: Erin and Jay are getting closer, but Erin hasn't told Jay everything about her past. Can they move forward once he knows the truth? Takes place beginning of season 3, after Nadia dies and Erin moves in with Hank. Lots of Linstead, with Haley/Nathan and Lucas/Peyton to add history and some drama!
1. Chapter 1

Hi all! This is my first time writing a fic! Please review :) It would make my day!

Chapter 1,

"Good morning, coffees in the pot." Hank mumbled, barely looking up from the newspaper.

"Thanks." Erin stepped into Hank's kitchen, walked over to the coffee pot, and poured herself a cup. She sat down at the table and inhaled deeply, allowing the scent of the coffee to calm her nerves. She wasn't sure how to start this conversation. "Hank, can we talk?"

"Sure." Hank looked up from his newspaper and peered across the table at Erin. He knew she was going to ask if she could move back to her apartment. As much as he had loved having her live with him for the past month, he knew he had to let her go. It was time. The withdrawal symptoms had ceased, she was seeing Dr. Charles twice a week to talk about Nadia, her mother, and everything that had lead her to her downward spiral. She was in recovery and he needed to let her get back to her life.

"You know I've loved living here, and I can't thank you enough for supporting me through all of this, and for letting me back into Intelligence..." Erin paused, unsure of where to go from there. She wasn't sure if Hank would think she was ready. She felt ready though, she missed her apartment, her freedom, her life.

Thankfully, Hank cut her off before she could continue. "Erin, you can move back in to your apartment. Your room upstairs will always be there for you, I will always be there for you. But it's time, you're ready. I trust you."

I trust you. She had been waiting to hear those words from Hank for weeks, months even. She looked at the only real father she had ever known, tears threatening to spill from her eyes and she let out the deep breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. She stood from her chair and leaned over to give Hank a hug.

"I'm not done talking," Hank said, as he released Erin from a tight hug and motioned for her to sit back down.

"Okay?" Erin suddenly became nervous. He said he trusted her, but she had royally screwed up. Multiple times. This wasn't the first time she had needed rescuing - not even close. How was she supposed to convince him it would be her last? She had tried. She had been at work early every morning, working harder than ever. She went straight home from work, only going to Molly's on special occasions when Hank had been there too. She even tried to lay off the flirting with Jay, which if she was being honest with herself, was the hardest part. The sexual tension between them was palpable any time they were alone, but she knew how Hank felt about in house romances, and she was not going to do anything to screw up her spot in his team, in his family.

Hank watched Erin; the closest thing he had to a daughter, one of the most important people in his life. She was freaking out. He wanted to laugh, she was so transparent. "Erin, it's nothing bad." She visibly relaxed and took another sip of her coffee to steady herself. "I gave Jay the go ahead. I was wrong before, and the two of you can make your own decisions regarding a relationship with each other. I won't stand in your way."

Erin almost choked on her coffee, "I'm sorry, what?"

"But I have something to say first," Hank said quickly.

Erin had no idea where this conversation was going. She took another sip of her coffee and stared at Hank. Hank was usually a man of very few words, never using more than necessary to get his point across. Even when she came to live with him last month, they hadn't really talked much about it. He just told her she was to move in him, cut all ties with her mother - conversation over. But she now she braced herself, she could tell he had a lot to say.

"I think you need to tell him." Hank said. "Tell him everything."

"I... I don't think... I don't..." Erin stopped short. She had been thinking about this a lot about this, too. She wanted to tell Jay. She wanted to let him all the way in. She had thought about it when they were together, after she left Intelligence to join the task force. She had really considered it, almost came close a couple of times. She remembered he had been in her apartment and picked up Lucas's book, an unkindness of Ravens, and asked her why she had three copies. She was about to answer when they called in to work for a case. When Hank put an end to their relationship a few days later, she had almost felt relieved. She wouldn't have to tell him. He would never had to know that she was a liar, that she wasn't who she said she was. Instead, they could end their short, but amazing relationship on good terms. The blame was placed on Hank, not on her. Nope, she couldn't tell him. That would be the end of their "good terms". She placed her head in her hands, holding back tears for the second time this morning.

"Erin," Hank said her name softy. He could tell she was working herself up, telling herself she couldn't do it. "Do you know why gave Jay the go ahead?"

Erin looked up slowly, "No. Why?"

"When I took you in when you were 17, you wanted to get better, to turn your life around. But your mom.. Charlie.. the girls at school.. everyone made it so hard on you. I was scared I was going to lose you. When I wasn't sure if I was getting through, do you remember who I called?"

"Yeah, I do." She smiled and thought back to that weekend, almost ten years ago.

 _She was 17. She had been living with Hank and Camille for a little over a month, and had started her senior year (again) at a fancy private school Hank had gotten her into. She was getting along well with a group of girls and had even joined cheerleading. Everything was going well, until last week, when the girls found out about her parents. Her deadbeat Dad, in prison. Her mom, who never cared about her much in the first place, now a drug addict living with a new, useless, abusive boyfriend in Chicago._

 _She had to laugh at the irony. She was these girls. Before, when she lived in Tree Hill. Before her Dad lost his job and forced them all to move to Chicago in the middle of her senior year of high school. Before he got arrested and lost all of his money. Before her mom found Brad and got into drugs and alcohol. Before Brad kicked Brooke out of the house. Before Brooke changed her name to Erin in an effort to leave her mom behind. Before she found Charlie. Before he got her hooked on drugs herself... Before all of that, she had been these girls. Happy. Carefree. Sometimes kind of mean. God, she missed her life and her friends. But she hasn't spoken to them in months, hadn't seen them since she went back to Tree Hill to cheer for the boys in their championship basketball game almost a year ago._

 _She wanted to call them, but she didn't think they would want to hear from her. They all graduated the year before, and were off doing their own thing. Peyton was in LA; Nathan, Haley, and Luke were all at college together in North Carolina. She would be doing her own thing too, if she had gotten it together enough to graduate. But no, her mother, Charlie, drugs, life... it got in the way._

 _So now, here she was. Sitting in her room in Hank and Camille's house, feeling completely and utterly alone. It was only 8 pm, but she just wanted to go to bed. She couldn't be awake any longer, she didn't want to have to think about this anymore. She was starting to wonder if coming here was a mistake. Life may have been scary with Charlie, but even then, she had never felt this alone._

 _She was about to get up to brush her teeth and get ready for bed when she heard a knock at her door. "Erin. Can I come in?" It was Hank._

 _"Sure." She said. She was not in the mood to talk, but she couldn't exactly turn him away in his own house._

 _"Hey kiddo. How are you doing?" He said, standing in the doorway._

 _"I'm fine." Erin said, a little too quickly to be convincing._

 _"Listen. Justin told me what's been going on at school."_

 _Erin looked down at her fingers while she picked at her nails. She didn't want to look up, she didn't want him to know how lonely and sad she really was. "It's nothing." She said dismissively._

 _"Erin," he said her name softly and walked towards her bed and sat down next to her. "I know this is hard. But you've been doing so well, and I don't want this to be a setback."_

 _"It won't be," she said quickly, even though she was thinking, "Easier said then done, Hank."_

 _"Good." He replied, even though he didn't believe her for one second. He could see the sadness in her eyes, even if she was avoiding eye contact with him. "I just wish you would talk to me, kiddo." He said quietly. "But since I know I'm not always the easiest person to talk to, I invited someone over I think might help."_

 _Erin lifted her gaze to Hank, and she watched him motion to the door._

 _She stared at the door, waiting for someone to appear. She hoped it wasn't a psychiatrist. God, she's had enough of Hank and Camille encouraging her to talk to a shrink. Sure, she was sad. And yeah, she missed the mind-numbing quality that the drugs brought her. But she didn't need a shrink._

 _All of a sudden, she heard footsteps coming towards her door and she stared, shocked, at the person walking through it. "Haley?"_

 _"Brooke!" Haley smiled and ran to envelop Erin into a tight hug. "God, I missed you!"_

 _"What are you doing here?!" Erin screeched. She couldn't believe it. She could not believe one of her best friends in the world was standing in front of her, in Chicago, in Hank's house._

 _"I'll let you two talk." Hank said, and ducked quietly out the room. He closed the door and smiled. He always forgot Erin's name was Brooke Davis before she legally changed it. It suited her, he thought. But the name Erin Lindsay suited her, too. God, he really hoped this worked. He hoped that Haley James Scott could get through to his girl._

 _"Hales, what are you doing here? Where's Jamie?" Erin said. She was smiling so wide, happy tears falling freely from her face._

 _"Oh he's fine. He's with Nathan. Brooke Davis, I am here because Hank called. He's worried about you, and I am too. But I want you to know, I'm here. We are all here for you. We love you. And we know you are going to get through this and live the amazing life you deserve"._

Erin thought back to that week Haley had stayed with them. She had given her the rough draft of Luke's book, and Erin had read the words "She was fiercely independent, Brooke Davis. Brilliant and beautiful and brave. In two years, she had grown more than anyone I had ever known. Brooke Davis is going to change the world someday, and I'm not sure she even knows it." Haley coming to Chicago had turned everything around her for. After that weekend, Erin was determined to finally let Hank in and to let him help her. She decided she was going to make something of herself and she really was going to change the world.

"Yeah, I do remember." She said to Hank now, sitting in his kitchen letting the memories wash over her. "You called Haley."

"I did. I called Haley because I wanted to help you, and I knew I couldn't do it alone. And again, this time, I didn't do it alone. Jay was there. He brought you back."

He stared at her expectantly, waiting for her to say something. She knew he was right. If she wanted to be with Jay, she had to tell him everything. If they were going to really date, be something real, she couldn't exactly go visit Tree Hill four times a year and not tell him where she was going. She couldn't invite Peyton, Lucas, Nathan, Haley, and all of their kids for Thanksgiving to Hank's again and not invite Jay. She knew he was right, and yet...

"I'm not sure I'm ready" She stated plainly. She stood up and put her cup in the sink, turned around to face Hank. "I don't know if I can tell him yet."

Hank got up and walked over to her. "Kid, you don't have to be ready yet." He placed his hand on her shoulder and leaned in to kiss her forehead. "I only brought it up because I gave him the go ahead, and when you move back in to your place, I'm thinking it's only a matter of time before he makes his move." He smirked at her and let out a chuckle to lighten the mood. Enough serious talk for now, they needed to get to work. "Let's get ready for work, okay?"

"Okay."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2,

Erin spent that whole Friday morning distracted thinking about what Hank had said. When she left the house this morning, she had decided she wasn't going to tell Jay quite yet. She wasn't ready to face the conversation, and what would come after the conversation. She imagined the conversation going one of two ways...

If she told him everything, let him in for real, they would likely quickly find themselves in a relationship. She wasn't ready for a relationship right now. She had only been clean for a month. She hadn't even spent a night alone in her apartment.

But it could also go the other way. She had lied. She had known Jay for over two years and never even told him her real name. Sure, she legally changed it, but some days she still felt like Brooke. He may never trust her again. He could decide he never wanted a relationship with her. And that... well, the thought of that devastated her in a way she had never thought possible, making her want to shut herself in her room and cry for days. She definitely wasn't ready for that either.

She needed time. And also, she wanted to talk to Haley first, pick her brain. And maybe Dr. Charles.

Jay had a doctor's appointment and wasn't coming to work until the afternoon. They didn't have a case and they were all just sitting at their desks catching up on paperwork. She had been relieved when he texted her, reminding her he would be late. He was always so in tune with her moods, and if she was acting distracted, he would know immediately. He would probably be concerned it had something to do with Nadia, or her mom, or drugs, and he would spend the day trying to pry it out of her. It would be too much. She was happy to just sit and work.

Two hours later, she had finished her paperwork for the day and it was only 11:30. She got up from her desk and walked into the break room to get a cup of coffee - her third for the day, but who's counting.

"Hey, Er." She turned around to see Jay standing in the doorway, smiling at her. God, she loved his smile. "Falling asleep already? It's only 11:30." He smirked.

"Yes. Well, I didn't have you here to entertain me." She quipped. He walked closer, reaching for the coffee pot. He bumped his arm against hers as he reached, and she felt a surge of electricity. Get a grip, she thought to herself.

"Well, I could've used the entertainment at the doctor's office." He said as he added a generous amount of milk to his coffee. "I waited for over an hour just to get my yearly paperwork signed. You'd think since my brother is a doctor, he would just sign it for me."

"Yeah, that would be nice." Erin said, trying to focus on what Jay was saying. It was hard for her to concentrate with his body so close.

"Hey, so when Voight lets us out early after this absurdly slow day, we are all going to head over to Molly's. Want to join?"

She should say no. Wait until she has some more of this figured out. "Sure, sounds good." Whoops!

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Later that evening, she walked into Molly's and spotted Jay at a table by himself. He was waiting for everyone to get there, playing with his phone and already nursing a beer. She walked over to Gaby at the bar and ordered to shots of whiskey and a beer. Gathering up her drinks she walked over to Jay and handed him a shot.

"We're celebrating, Halstead!"

"What are we celebrating?" Jay said as he raised the shot of whiskey.

"Hank is letting me move back into my apartment." She looked up at him and smiled. He loved that smile. He had missed it during those weeks following Nadia's death. He was so happy to have her back. She was starting to look like herself again. He looked into those hazel eyes and wanted to just lean in to her smile and kiss her right there.

Instead he looked at her and said softly, "I was worried that hole you were digging was going to be too deep."

She smiled shyly, gratefully, and said "I was lucky I had a lot of people reaching in to pull me out."

They clinked their glasses, never taking their eyes off each other, and downed their drinks. Jay was glad to hear Erin was moving back into her apartment. They could get back to hanging out like old times - watching the Black Hawks game, eating pizza, drinking beer. Just spending time together. And now that Hank had given him the okay - which he never expected in a million years - this could mean they could really give things a try. He looked at her hopefully, and she looked like she was about to say something, but stopped herself. "What's up?" He asked.

Just as Erin opened her mouth to speak, Ruzek and Atwater walked in. "Hey guys!" Ruzek said as he sat down, "What are we drinking?"

The rest of the night was fun and light, the team joking around and drinking together. Jay and Erin kept stealing glances at each other, but didn't have another chance to talk. Erin went back to Hank's that night and spent Saturday and Sunday packing up her stuff and moving back into her apartment.

Sunday night when she was finally settled into her apartment, sitting on her bed, she decided to reach out to Haley. Looking at the clock, she decided it was too late to call and sent her a quick text.

Erin: Hey Hales, how are you? I know you're probably busy with Jamie and Lydia since Nathan is on the road, but I was hoping we could catch up this week. I need some advice.

Haley: Brooke! I was about to text you. Call you in 5!

Erin waited for Haley to call as she got ready for bed. Her phone started to ring and she eagerly picked it up. "Hales! It's late, shouldn't you be getting some sleep?"

"Oh please. I never sleep! Plus, after the kids go to sleep is the only time I have to get anything done!" Haley exclaimed. Erin could hear her smiling through the phone. "I've missed you Brooke. How are you? Are you still staying with Hank?"

"Nope, I'm back at my apartment. First night actually. Feels a little weird." Erin said, feeling more relaxed now that she was talking to one of her old friends.

"Well, that is actually kind of perfect. Because Nathan is playing in a tournament in Chicago this weekend and I am thinking of buying plane tickets for Jamie and me to come. Lydia is going to Lucas and Peyton's to spend time with Sawyer, and I thought Jamie and I could stay with you!"

"Oh my god, I would LOVE that! When would you get in?"

"Probably Wednesday or Thursday, I'll check the flights and let you know. I can't wait to see you Brooke, it's been too long." Haley said. Erin had missed her last visit, during her "sabbatical".

"Haley, that sounds great. I can't wait to see you and Jamie!" Erin said excitedly.

"We can't wait to see you too! And you know, we wouldn't mind being introduced to people. You know people other than Hank..." she paused for effect. "People named Jay, maybe?" She said with a laugh.

"Okay, okay. I can take a hint. We'll talk about it when you get here." Erin smiled.

"Yeah, yeah. I know what that means." Haley joked. "Goodnight Brooke, see you soon!"

Erin hung up, feeling happy, but suddenly became nervous. She was excited to see Haley and Jamie. But usually, she went to visit them. And while they had come visit for Thanksgiving a few times, that was years ago, before Jay had been in the picture. Just because they were coming didn't mean she had to introduce them to Jay. And if she did introduce them, she could always ask Nathan, Haley, and Jamie to call her Erin instead of Brooke. They knew that is what she went by now, it wouldn't be that weird. Okay, it would be a little weird, but still, they would do it.

Okay, now she was driving herself crazy. She really needed to get some sleep. And with that, she went turned off her light and went to bed.

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The following Thursday, Jay was in the break room pouring himself a cup of coffee when Erin walked in, "Jay, do you have a couch guy?"

"I don't know what that means?" Jay said, looking at her with confusion.

"You have a guy for everything. Construction guy, car guy. I need a couch guy."

Jay looked at her, now even more confused. "Huh?" He said.

"I'm moving back into my place. I just want a fresh start. And I kinda blew through my savings on my "sabbatical". Don't make me ask Atwater."

"What's in it for me?" Jay asked, already knowing the answer. After the moment they shared at Molly's Friday night, there had been lots of flirtatious exchanges and stolen glances at work. This would be an opportunity for them to spend time together outside of work.

Erin simply raised an eyebrow at him, confirming that he was definitely reading the situation correctly. "I'll make some calls," he said quickly and walked out of the room.

Erin watched him go and smiled. She had talked it over with Haley over the phone this past week, and had even checked in with Peyton to gauge her reaction as well. They both told her that she needed to talk to him, to explain everything, and to do it before the Scotts came to Chicago. It would be a whirlwind of a weekend, learning about her past and meeting all of those people in a matter of a few days. But, it also gave her a deadline. And she worked best with deadlines, Haley and Peyton both knew that well. So she planned to have him come over tonight, take measurements for the new couch, and she would cook him dinner and tell him everything. She just wanted it to go well... She was starting to freak out.

Haley and Jamie had arrived yesterday, but were staying with Nathan in his hotel until Friday when the tournament started. Then when the tournament started, he had to bunk with a player (team rules!) and they would stay with Erin. That gave her tonight and most of tomorrow to tell him. She figured she would tell him about them tonight, and then tell him about them being in town tomorrow. Okay, she needed to stop overthinking all of this.

"We have a case," Jay walked back into the break room to tell Erin. She looked distracted and stressed all of a sudden, but he couldn't figure out why. Hank had let her move back into her apartment and things were going well. It was a pretty slow week at work, and she had just flirted with him over coffee less than 10 minutes before. How could she look stressed so quickly? He couldn't imagine what had prompted the change in mood. She had even left her phone at home by accident today, so it couldn't have been a message.

"Okay, I'm coming" she said, snapping back into reality. She grabbed her coffee and went to sit at her desk.

Hank walked out of his office with a serious, grim look on his face and he looked at Erin. They held eye contact for a moment, as the rest of the team watched them. Jay was wondering if whatever this case was about was what had Erin distracted and upset in the break room. But then he noticed that Erin was looking at Hank questioningly, and he realized she had no idea what the case was about. She was in the dark like the rest of them.

Hank was holding a picture, probably of a crime scene, Erin thought. But he hadn't yet turned it around to show anyone. "Okay, there is an NBA tournament in town this weekend. One of the players went missing as of this morning, around 7 am. He left the hotel to go to practice at 7 am, but never showed up at practice and his family has not been able to contact him or heard from him since. There is suspected foul play."

"Sarge. It's 2:00 in the afternoon, it's only been like 7 hours. That doesn't really count as a missing person. And skipping out on practice? Maybe he just didn't feel like going" Ruzek said, laughing at the last part.

"Yeah Sarge. This doesn't exactly seem like our kind of case. And why are you suspecting foul play?" Dawson agreed.

Hank ignored both of their comments and turned to place the picture on the wall. He turned back around revealing the picture and said simply, "It's for a friend." In that moment Erin's eyes widened and her breath caught in her throat. Hank looked at her, but she was staring at the picture. She couldn't take her eyes off of it.

"Wait, isn't that Nathan Scott? The Charlotte Bobcat?" Kim said. Ruzek and Atwater looked at her surprised.

"Darlin, you know an NBA player?" Ruzek said to her, impressed with his fiance's sports knowledge. Maybe she was finally taking an interest in things that he liked.

"Oh please," Kim said, "I know him because he's married to Haley James Scott, the country singer I am completely obsessed with."

"Oh yeah." Ruzek remembered. Kim hated sports, he should have guessed.

"And wait - isn't his brother Lucas Scott?" Jay said, "He wrote that book, an unkindness of Ravens. Right, Erin? You love that book. You have like 3 copies." Jay continued to look at the board as he spoke, not seeing the expression on Erin's face. "Didn't his father murder his uncle or something? I think it was an autobiography." Jay said, gaining the attention of his team, all watching and listening to him as he spoke.

At that point Jay turned his gaze away from the picture and towards Hank and said, "Sarge, you're friends with these people?"

But Hank was watching Erin. He hadn't taken his eyes off her after he posted the picture of Nathan Scott on the board. He watched her now as she slowly and silently got up from her chair. The team followed Hanks gaze and looked for the first time at Erin. Now she was the one with everyone's attention. She walked over to the picture of Nathan Scott on the white board, and touched her hand to his cheek. She was staring up at that picture so intently, like she could will him to jump out of the picture and appear in real life before her. Jay couldn't figure out what was going on, but the raw pain in Erin's face in that moment took his breath away. It reminded him of day they found Nadia. He wanted to reach for her, hold her tight and never let go.

Everyone in the room was watching Erin so intently that no one paid attention to the sounds of footsteps on the stairs and no one heard the two people walk into the room.

"Brooke" a voice choked out, causing Erin to quickly turn around.

"Oh my god, Hales."

Please review :) :) xo


	3. Chapter 3

Hi all! I hope you're enjoying this vic :) This chapter is a little short, but the next one will be longer! Thanks for reading :) Please review!

Chapter 3,

Haley felt numb. When the coach called her looking for Nathan, she immediately began to worry. She checked the news and called all the hospitals, checking to see if he had been in an accident. She called him 20 times, then she began calling Lucas and Peyton, Clay and Quinn, anyone she could think of to see if they had heard from him, but they hadn't. She had also called Brooke, over and over and over again. Brooke hadn't answered her phone all day, which was very unlike her. She was holding out hope that maybe Nathan and Brooke were together and had lost their phones. When she couldn't think of anything else to do, she called an Uber for her and Jamie, and they made their way over to district 21 to look for Brooke.

Haley called Hank on his cell phone on her way over, explaining as much as she knew. Nathan had kissed her goodbye and left the hotel at 6:45 am for 7 am practice. He called for an Uber while he was still in the room with her, and was supposed to be picked up outside the hotel. He never made it to practice. His coach called at 8:00 am, furious at Nathan for oversleeping, but when he didn't answer the coach had called Haley. He wasn't in an accident, he wasn't in any hospital, he wasn't answering his phone. That's all she knew. It had been almost 7 hours and she was about to lose her mind. She was trying to stay calm for Jamie's sake, but she knew he could sense her nerves.

Haley and Jamie stepped into district 21 and introduced themselves to Sergeant Platt, who buzzed them upstairs. Hank was expecting them.

As they walked upstairs, Haley heard someone say "Sarge, you're friends with these people?" with a surprised tone. She didn't hear any response. She continued to walk slowly up the stairs, holding Jamie's hand, and when she got to the top she immediately spotted Brooke. She had cut her hair and it was blonder than it had been last she saw her. But even from behind, even without the heels she normally wore when she was in Tree Hill, she would recognize Brooke anywhere.

"Brooke" she called out. She meant to say it louder, but her voice broke and it came out quiet and strained.

Brooke turned around and looked at her, "Oh my god, Hales!" she yelled, and suddenly she was racing over to her, throwing her arms around her and enveloping her in a tight hug.

All the control Haley had been trying to maintain collapsed as she hugged her best friend. She let all of the pain and fear wash over her, and she cried and cried in her arms. After a few minutes, she felt Jamie wrap his arms around both of them. Brooke pulled away from Haley briefly and bent down to hug Jamie.

"Hey Jimmy-Jam" Brooke said, releasing Jamie from a hug and trying to smile at him. She had barely even noticed he was there at first. The look of sadness on her friend's face had overwhelmed her, and the sound of her tears was something she knew she would never be able to forget. But when she felt Jamie join their hug, she shifted her focus. God, he must be so scared.

"Hi, Aunt Brooke." He said quietly, sadly.

She leaned down and kissed him on top of his head, and at the same time put her arm around Haley and squeezed her shoulder. She was so focused on Haley and Jamie that she hadn't noticed her entire team staring in her direction, shocked looks on their faces.

 _Oh shit._ She thought. She looked back at Haley, trying to avoid eye contact with them. She would deal with them eventually, but she needed to focus on Haley and Jamie right now. What was she supposed to do?

"Haley, Jamie, why don't you two go and sit in the break room for a minute while I get the rest of the team up to speed." Hank said, taking control of the situation.

"Yeah, Hales, Jame, let me take you two to sit down." Brooke said, grabbing Jamie's hand. She walked them towards the break room, and as she passed through the room she allowed herself to look up at Jay. He looked very confused. Not angry or hurt, just confused. She gave him a sad smile, and walked with Jamie and Haley into the break room.

Jay was not angry or hurt... for now. But he was deeply confused. He watched the entire scene unfold like he was watching a movie, and he felt completely removed from the situation. When the blonde woman first walked in, he hadn't even noticed her. She had said something that was barely audible, and all of a sudden Erin turned around and ran towards this woman, pulling her into the tightest hug. And they didn't stop hugging, they just stood there in each others arms. He had never seen Erin hug anyone like that before. He didn't recognize the woman, but Erin had called her "Hales". Weren't they just saying that Nathan Scott was married to someone named Haley? Was this her? For someone famous, he didn't really recognize her. Then again, he wasn't exactly a country music fan.

 _Erin must have met her during some sort of undercover mission,_ Jay thought as he continued to watch Erin. She had been in other units before Intelligence, and she had been a member of Intelligence before him. Surely, there must have been big, long undercover cases that she was a part of that she hadn't felt the need to mention. He was starting to relax at this thought.

But then, the boy standing next to her, a little blonde kid - couldn't have been more than ten years old, started hugging them. Hugging this blonde woman and Erin at the same time. Hugging Erin like he knew her… like he knew her well. And then Erin called him by a nickname and he smiled. And then he called her Aunt Brooke. _Aunt Brooke!_ Who the hell was Aunt Brooke? How did Erin know these people? How did Hank know these people? What the hell was going on?

:)


	4. Chapter 4

Hi everyone :) I hope you are enjoying the story so far.

Chapter 4,

Back in the break room, Haley, Jamie, and Erin were sitting down at the table. Haley was telling Erin the same things she had previously told Hank, and Brooke listened intently.

"Ok, Hales, listen. I'm going to go brief the rest of my team and we are going to come up with a game plan. I want you and Jamie to stay in here. Have some coffee, take a deep breath." Erin said, reaching and placing her hand over Haley's. "I will come in here and keep you updated. Have you called anyone else?"

"Yeah. I called Lucas and Peyton. Lydia is with them, and I need my daughter right now. They are on their way to Chicago." Haley said. She wasn't sure how long Nathan would be missing, It was almost 3 pm at this point. She didn't know what was going to happen. But for right now, she needed all of her family together. Being here with Brooke was already making her feel more calm and in control. If anyone could find Nathan, it was Brooke and Hank.

"Okay, good. I'll be back soon, okay?" Erin said as she got up from her chair.

"Just find him, Brooke. Please, please find him." Haley said, a single tear falling down her face. She didn't know how it was possible that she had any tears left at this point.

Erin stepped over to Haley and put her hand on her shoulders and squeezed. "We will."

Erin walked out of the break room and closed the door quietly behind her. She walked over to the board and took another look at Nathan's picture. She knew everyone was staring at her, and she wasn't exactly sure what to do next.

Always in control of the situation, Hank stepped in beside her. He took her hand and squeezed it, and she smiled at him gratefully. "Okay, everyone," Hank began. "Let me, first, make sure everyone understands what's going to go on here."

Jay looked at Hank feeling hopeful. He was beyond ready for an explanation. The last twenty minutes in the bullpen had been tense, and he just wanted to understand what was going on. Was this just a continuation of the undercover mission Erin had been a part of? Was it unrelated? And if Erin was undercover as "Brooke", how did this woman find her? How did they know where she worked? How long ago was this undercover mission? It must have been recent enough that the blonde kid remembered Erin well, but not in the past two years Jay had known her.

"There will be no personal questions right now. It's not the time. Pertinent questions about the case are the only ones that's will be tolerated. Do I make myself clear?" Hank finished. He looked at Jay first, and and then around to the rest of the team. He wanted to make it clear to each individual standing in that room that he meant business. Erin's past was not up for discussion right now, especially when someone's life hung in the balance.

Jay could tell that Erin was relieved by Hank's statement. He wasn't thrilled, but the look of relief on Erin's face made it a little better. Erin looked terrible; just thirty minutes ago they were flirting over coffee, and now she looked like a wreck. So if this would make her feel better, then he would focus on the case. Plenty of time to talk later. "What do we know?" He said, looking over at Erin.

"Nathan Scott left his hotel room at 6:45 am. Haley said he called the Uber from the hotel room, and went downstairs when it was 2 minutes away." Erin said.

"Mouse, check his phone records. See if he was picked up by an uber. Check his credit card statement to see the charge and route. See who the driver was. Let's start there," suggested Antonio.

"Does he have any enemies? Jay mentioned that maybe his father killed someone?" Ruzek asked Erin.

Jay noticed that at the mention of Nathan's father, Erin visibly flinched. "His father, Dan Scott, murdered his own brother. He was released from prison two years ago."

"Even if the murder was of a personal nature, he could have made some enemies inside. I'll start there." Ruzek said, moving quickly to his computer to look Dan Scott up further.

"Okay, let's start there." Hank said to the team. He turned to Erin and said more quietly, "Erin, I'm going to fill in Haley. Take a minute in my office, take a break."

Erin wanted to go with Hank to talk to Haley and Jamie, but Hank was right. She needed a minute to compose herself. Instead of going to Hank's office, she walked down to the locker room to splash some cold water on her face. She looked in the mirror at her pale face, and when she looked up she noticed Jay standing behind her. She turned around to face him.

"So, um..." She started. She wasn't sure what to say to Jay. She had planned on telling him everything, she had even worked out how and what she would say. But she had planned to ease into it, and she couldn't exactly do that now. He had met Haley, and he had even mentioned Lucas's book. He may have already made the connection. "I, uh..."

Jay cut her off and enveloped her into a hug. "Shh, it's okay." He soothed. "We can talk later. For now, let's find your friend."

With those words, the tears that had been threatening to fall unleashed and she cried on Jay's shoulder. He squeezed her tight and held her upright while she allowed herself to just fall apart completely. After a few minutes, she pulled back and looked up at him. He was looking at her with such compassion and understanding, and she held his gaze. His fingers still rested on her waist, and he let out a small, reassuring smile. "Everything is going to be okay." He said.

Erin couldn't speak, and she just continued to look at Jay. Erin had always loved his smile. This one was completely different than the flirty smile he had given her less than an hour in the break room; that one had stirred her insides, made her want. This smile was reassuring; it had a calming effect on her. Completely opposite reactions… kinda. Because both smiles just made her want to kiss him.

 _Jesus, Erin, get a grip_. Her friend's world was falling apart, and all she wanted to do was reach out and kiss Jay. She wanted to bury herself in him. Jay could've been upset with her, and he could've asked about Brooke. But he didn't. He just held her, those strong arms wrapping around her making her feel safe and loved. God, she loved his arms. His green eyes were still locked on hers, but then his eyes slowly moved from her eyes to her lips, and then back to her eyes. She realized, in that moment, that he wanted to kiss her too, and she knew all she had to do was lean in ever so slightly to give him permission. All she had to do was lean in. She wanted too so badly, but…

Jay sensed Erin's hesitation, and so he reluctantly removed his hands from her waist and backed up an inch. This wasn't the right time, she was upset and needed a friend. He couldn't take advantage of the situation like that. But still, his gaze remained locked on hers, the tension building and building.

Suddenly the door the locker room opened and Ruzek walked in. "Um.. sorry guys. I didn't mean to interrupt anything."

Erin blushed deeply, and Jay just shrugged. Jay then noticed right behind Ruzek was a tall, very thin blonde woman dressed in skinny high heels and tight jeans. "Well, I'm not sorry I interrupted." She said with a huge smile, her voice dripping with sarcasm. Jay watched as she looked at Erin, then him, then back to Erin, taking in the scene.

"P. Sawyer!" Erin said excitedly, her mood lifting for a moment.

"B. Davis! Get the hell over here and give me a hug!" The tall, thin girl said to Erin, with a huge smile on her face.

Erin moved away from Jay and started walking towards the tall, thin girl. "God, I missed your skinny ass." Erin said, before she threw her arms around her and enveloped her in a tight hug.

Jay just stared at them. Could this day get any stranger? Since when did Erin hug people? I mean, sure, she and Jay hugged occasionally. And she let Voight hug her, and kiss her on the forehead during really stressful times. But no one else. And not like this. Not these tight, long, almost intimate hugs, where it looked like he wouldn't have been able to separate them if he tried.

Ruzek watched the way Jay started at Erin and Peyton intently, and he sensed that Jay was starting to feel uncomfortable. He coughed slightly, trying to remind Erin of her surroundings. Erin released the blonde woman from the tight hug, and turned towards Jay.

"Jay, this is Peyton Sawyer." She said to Jay, a little awkwardly.

"Peyton Sawyer Scott." Peyton corrected, as she leaned out her hand to shake Jay's. Peyton cocked her head sideways, "So you're Jay?" Then she turned to face Erin and raised her eyebrows, and Erin glared at her.

"Umm.. yeah. Hi, I'm Jay Halstead. I am Erin's partner." Jay said, shifting uncomfortably. Why did that name sound familiar? Peyton Sawyer Scott. Had he heard that name before?

"Well, it's nice to finally meet you. I've heard so much about you!" Peyton said to Jay. Erin started to glare at Peyton, giving her a look that said _shut up, now, or I will kill you!_ Peyton just shrugged it off.

"I've heard a lot about you, too" Jay lied. He didn't know why he said that.

Now he knew he was missing something. If this was an undercover mission from long ago, this Peyton woman wouldn't have heard of him, wouldn't have said"It's nice to _finally_ meet you". And aside from that, Erin and Peyton were looking at each other like old friends. Like old, best friends. He knew those looks that they were sharing were conveying full thoughts and sentences, expressed to each other without even uttering a word. He thought only he and Erin shared that… that ability to just look at each other and know exactly what each other were thinking... what they needed. _Apparently not._

Jay noticed that Peyton had raised her eyebrow at his comment, giving Erin a look that said she knew he was lying, that Jay didn't know anything about her.

Erin was his best friend. Or she was supposed to be. It felt weird that this person he had never met before, had never even heard of, knew about him… and knew he didn't know about her. Clearly Erin was closer with this girl than she was with him. He felt a wave of sadness at that thought, but he pushed it away.

"Erin, Jay, I came to grab you because Mouse looked up Nathan's uber account and we have a lead." Ruzek said. He wanted to break up some of the tension in the locker room, and bring them back to reality. Right now, they needed to address the case, not the elephant in the room.

"Great, let's go." Jay said quickly, and walked towards the door. Ruzek, Erin, and Peyton followed him out of the locker room and into the bullpen.

"Just take a seat at my desk, and I'll bring you into the break room in a second." Erin whispered to Peyton as they entered the bullpen.

Peyton sat down in Erin's chair, and Erin leaned against the front of her desk. "Okay," she said. "What do we know?"

Mouse got up from his desk and began pacing in front of the board. "We know that Nathan's uber driver was a man named Steve Flint. He began the meter at 6:48 am and, according to the uber map and the GPS on Steve Flint's phone, he dropped off Nathan at the gym at 6:56 am. Steve Flint is active as an Uber driver right now, and I am able to track his GPS, he's currently on Michigan Ave and we can go pick him up now."

"Ruzek, Atwater. Go pick him up," instructed Hank.

As Ruzek and Atwater stood from their seats, the door to the break room opened and Lucas Scott walked out. Erin quickly stood and addressed Lucas. "Luke," she said quietly, and motioned him to come over to her desk. She was hoping Lucas and Peyton would take Haley and Jamie back to her apartment. They didn't need to sit around all day in the break room waiting for news. And if she was being honest, Jay's look from the locker room was weighing on her mind. He appeared confused at first, but the minute Peyton mentioned she had heard of Jay, she watched his mood shift from confused to upset, and maybe even annoyed. She just wanted everyone to leave so she could find Nathan without distractions, and maybe even salvage her relationship with Jay in the process.

She wanted Lucas to walk over quietly and not make a scene. No such luck.

"Brooke," he yelled, not moving from where he stood. He raised his voice louder with each word, "You need to arrest Dan. You know this is his fault. He did this, or he hired someone to do it, or one of his enemies did it. Whatever the hell is going on, it's Dan's fault, and you need to arrest him now." He was shouting at this point. All the conversations and activities in the bullpen ceased, and everyone was starting at Lucas and Erin, watching the heated exchange.

"Luke," Erin started, "We are looking into Dan's enemies. We have this, okay? I promise." She spoke, her words calm, but stern.

"Baby, come sit down." Peyton said to Lucas. "Brooke is going to do everything she can."

"Luke, Peyton, why don't you go into the break room with Hales and Jamie, and I'll be right there." Erin said, turning to Peyton and giving her a pleading look.

Lucas Scott. Peyton Sawyer. Haley James Scott. Nathan Scott. All of a sudden, he knew. Jay knew where he had heard the name Peyton Sawyer before. From Lucas Scott's book, the unkindness of book that Erin loved so much. The book she had three copies of: one was a hard copy, two were paperbacks. All three were worn out, as if she had read them hundreds of times.

He had pulled one of the books off the shelves one night when he couldn't sleep, back when they had been together. At the time, he just wanted to know what all the fuss was about. It had been an autobiography, written by Lucas Scott. He usually didn't love autobiographies, but he had enjoyed this book. It had caught his attention in a way books rarely did, and had read it all in one sitting. It talked about his life… Basketball, cheerleaders, his best friend, just normal high school stuff. It also talked about his single mom, losing his uncle, and his evolving relationship with his half-brother. It had been a while ago, and he didn't remember everything. But now, thinking back… now, he remembered a lot. With all of the high school drama, it had a large focus on love: the love he had for his friends, and the love he had for two main people. Peyton Sawyer.

 _And Brooke Davis._

Please review :)


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks for the reviews guys! Made my day :)

Chapter 5,

"So you'll let us know if you hear anything?" Haley asked Erin for the 10th time, as she walked out of the break room, holding Jamie's hand.

"Haley," Hank said softly. "You are family. We will find him. I can promise you that. But you all sitting here isn't going to help. Go to Erin's apartment. Try to rest. We will call you with any updates."

"Okay." Haley was feeling a little reluctant to leave, but she knew that Lydia and Sawyer were going to wake up from their naps soon and they needed to pick them up. They were currently at Haley's hotel with a babysitter, and she didn't want Lydia to wake up not knowing where she was.

"Luke, its apartment 9." Erin said, passing him the keys. "My apartment isn't too far from the hotel."

"Thanks, Brooke."

Erin walked them out, saying goodbye at the car and returned back to work.

Meanwhile, Jay was sitting at his desk reeling. He knew that he had an important case to solve. And he knew Erin needed him. But in that moment, all he wanted to do was to go to Erin's or the library or a book store and pick up a copy of Lucas's book and refresh his memory.

He was pretty sure he remembered that Brooke and Peyton and Haley were best friends. At least that part of the book was accurate, they definitely appeared like best friends in the past few hours.

But he also remembered other things. Things that seemed to fit. Like the fact that Brooke Davis was a partier. And the fact that Brooke Davis had parents that didn't care about her. And the fact that Brooke Davis' parents lost their money, and that after Peyton and Lucas cheated on her, she moved out of Peyton's house and moved to Chicago with her parents. But he was pretty sure towards the end of the book, Brooke, Peyton, and Lucas had made up and she returned a lot to visit. For basketball games and dances at stuff. He couldn't remember. Why hadn't he paid more attention to details when he was reading?

Because there were also things that didn't fit. Didn't fit at all. Like the fact that she was in love with Lucas Scott.

He didn't know why the idea of that bothered him so much. Actually, that's not true, he admitted to himself. He did know why… For some reason, he had always thought that Erin never had anything serious with anyone, that she had never been in love before.

He had dated plenty of people, even some seriously. I mean, he had dated Allie for years. But the way he felt about Allie… those feelings didn't even come close to how he felt about Erin. He had trouble even putting his feelings for Erin into words. They weren't even together, but if he was being honest with himself, he could admit that Erin was the most important person in his life. His best friend. The person he wanted to talk to and be with everyday for the rest of his life.

Had Erin felt that way about Lucas? Lucas was clearly married to Peyton, and he was pretty sure they had a daughter together. But for some reason, that didn't make him feel much better about the situation.

"Heads up," Dawson said, nodding his head towards the door. Ruzek and Atwater were walking up with the stairs with a third man Jay assumed was Steven Flint. Steven Flint was sporting a pretty ugly black eye, and had some abrasions on both arms.

They walked him into the interrogation room and sat him down at the table, while the rest of the team followed and looked on beyond the glass.

"Did you see this man this morning?" Ruzek placed a picture of Nathan Scott on the table in front of Steven Flint.

"Yeah," Flint said nervously, looking down at the picture. "I picked him up this morning. Took him from a hotel to the NBA gym. He's a basketball player, right?"

"Is that all that happened?" Atwater said, not bothering to respond to Flint's question.

"Uh.. yeah." Flint said, hesitantly.

 _Man, this guy is a terrible liar._ Ruzek thought. He looked at Atwater, raised his eyebrow slightly at him.

"Okay, listen up." Atwater sat down at the table facing Flint, holding his gaze. "Just tell us what happened. Now."

"I… I can't. If I do… they'll… they said they'll kill me. They know who I am. They did this to my face," Flint stuttered as he pointed to his black eye. He looked nervous and scared, but now he didn't look like he was lying.

"Who?" Ruzek asked. "We will protect you if you tell us who threatened you. You need to tell us what happened."

"The basketball player… um, he was in the back of my car. He was distracted when I stopped the car, he was looking down at his phone. He didn't get out of the car right away. So I just wait in the car. I don't turn off the meter, because hey, if he is going to sit in my car, I should get paid, right? Anyway, this older guy, maybe in his 50s, bald, maybe 6 ft tall… he gets in the car with a gun. I look in the rear view mirror, and he is holding the gun to Nathan's head."

From behind the glass, Erin gasped. She couldn't believe this was happening. Hank reaches over and touches her shoulder lightly, as they all continue to listen to Flint.

"I didn't move. I was terrified. A second guy leans in to the window, gets very close to my face and says that if I tell anyone he's going to shoot me. Then he punched me in the face. And the other guy, the one in the backseat, he tells the basketball player to get out of the car…"

"Is there anything else you can tell us?" Ruzek says, his tone much nicer and softer than before.

"Uh… as they're getting out of the car, I heard him say that he knows who is wife is, and that between the two of them, they got lots of money."

0000000000000000

Steven Flint is still sitting in the interrogation room, and the team has moved to the bullpen to review the facts of the case. Erin is sitting at her desk, struggling to keep composed.

"Halstead, Lindsay, go to the gym and see if they have any security cameras in the area. Mouse, check and see if there is any online chatter about a ransom." Hank gave out orders to the team and turned back to his office.

0000000000000000000000

"What do you think you're doing?" Erin said to Jay, as he walked over to the drivers seat.

"Driving. Come on Lindsay, it's been a long day. I'm driving. Let's go."

"I'm driving. I'm not an invalid." Erin said, snatching the keys from Jay and opening the drivers seat. She got into the car and turned it on, suddenly feeling anxious. She wanted to find Nathan, and the information from Steven Flint scared her. But she also knew that wasn't the only thing plaguing her. She had a fifteen minute drive to the gym. That meant she had fifteen whole minutes alone with Jay.

And after the situation with Peyton in the locker room, she was betting the whole "We'll talk later" stuff was no longer going to fly. She had noticed a change in his attitude since Peyton and Lucas showed up... He had just called her Lindsay instead of Erin, for one, which he rarely did when they were alone. But it was also his body language, and the fact that he hadn't said a word to her as they left the bullpen and walked down to the car.

She had to give him the short version, and she needed to do it fast.

Jay settled in and Erin began to reverse out of the parking spot. "So, I know I said we would talk later..." Jay began, happy to finally be alone with Erin and able to have this conversation.

 _There it is,_ she thought. "I know I owe you an explanation, Jay. I owe you a really long explanation." Erin replied, cutting him off.

"We don't exactly have time for a really long explanation. Why don't you start by telling me about Brooke Davis." Erin flinched when he said her name. It wasn't like no one ever called her Brooke anymore. She was used to hearing herself called Brooke. But hearing those words come from Jay... it made her stomach do a flip.

Jay noticed her response, but he didn't let on. He just waited patiently for her to explain.

"I was born in Tree Hill, North Carolina. I lived there until I was 17, when I moved to Chicago. That was my name." She said quietly. She was glad she was driving and she didn't have to look over at him. She couldn't even imagine what he was thinking.

Jay didn't say a word, waiting for her to fill the silence and continue.

"The stuff about my parents… and Charlie and the drugs… and Hank and Camille taking me in… all that stuff is true." Erin sighed loudly, knowing she had to continue. She continued to keep her eyes fixed on the road, they were about five minutes from the gym now. "My dad went to jail for siphoning money from investors, and my mom started dating this new guy and got into drugs, and then her boyfriend kicked me out of the house. I changed my name because I didn't want to be connected to her anymore, and that's when I moved in with Charlie."

"I know about your parents, Erin. I know about Charlie, and the drugs, and Hank and Camille." Jay said a little too loudly. He was frustrated.

Erin was taken aback by Jay's response. He rarely raised his voice at anyone, and he definitely never raised his voice with her. And that tone… it was his detective tone. His dismissive, "Cut the crap and tell me what I want to know", tone. She didn't know how to respond. She continued to drive silently, and before she knew it, they were in front of the NBA gym complex. She pulled into a parking spot, turned off the car, and turned her body to face him.

"Jay, listen," Erin said, trying to keep her voice quiet, soothing.

"Were you ever going to tell me?" Jay cut her off, his green eyes fixed on hers. "If Haley didn't walk into the precinct today, would you have ever told me the truth?"

"Yes!" Erin reached out and stroked Jay's cheek. She looked up at him, her hazel eyes shining bright with unshed tears. "I was going to tell you tonight. When you came over with the couch, I was going to tell you." She could tell he wasn't sure he believed her.

In truth, Jay thought that Erin probably did believe that herself. She probably believed that she was going to tell him tonight. He was sure that she had it all planned out. But in the end, he wasn't sure she would have actually done it. Because she had hundreds of opportunities to tell him over the past two years, and she never did. She may have even planned to, on a night like this one. But maybe last minute, she had changed her mind. She could never just let him all the way in. _She never has_ , he thought, _and maybe she never will._


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6,

"I got something," Moused yelled out towards the team. He rushed towards the front of the board and posted a picture of a bald man.

Halstead and Lindsay had returned almost thirty minutes early with the security camera from the gym. Obtaining the tape had been easy, the staff at the gym had been happy to assist the investigation in any way possible. They drove back in silence, and had been avoiding each other's gaze since.

"This is Marcus Paul, he's been suspected in the past for human trafficking. No one has been able to get any hard evidence to put him away, but there have been several investigations. He doesn't own any property in the area, but when I looked up his family members, I noticed a two million dollar property was purchased on Wabash Ave in his brother's name. But - get this… his brother has been in jail for 10 years."

"Suit up, let's go," Hank yelled out to everyone.

Everyone suited up quickly and set out to their cars. "Hey, wait a second," Hank called out to Erin as she approached her vehicle. "Can you handle this?" he asked her sternly. He knew she had a lot of personal stuff going on, but he needed Erin focused on the job at hand. Everyone was going home tonight.

"Yeah, Sarge. I got this. Let's get Nathan and bring him home." Erin said. She looked at Hank, her expression clearly asking for permission to get in the car and continue the mission with her team.

Hank nodded in agreement and turned towards Olinsky and his truck.

"Jay, here." Erin said, getting Jay's attention and handing him the keys to the car. "You drive."

"Why?" Jay said. He was sure she could handle herself, but her handing him the keys worried him. He wasn't sure where they stood in their relationship, but it didn't matter. He was protective of his partner, and he needed her to be safe and focused out there.

"I'm fine, Jay," Erin said, noticing his expression of worry. "I just… I wanted to show you that I trust you." Erin felt stupid. She never let Jay drive, and she was hoping this would be some sort of gesture.

"Oh, um… okay." Jay said and grabbed the keys from Erin.

They got in the car and drove in silence, sirens blaring, towards the house. When they approached the house, they turned the sirens off, not wanting to give themselves away.

The team gathered together outside the house. "What's the plan, Sarge?" Dawson said.

"Ruzek, Atwater - you take the back entrance. Olinsky and I will go in the front. Dawson, Halstead, I want you to take the side entrance. Lindsay, wait outside. Stand on the side of the house, make sure you have a visual of the front and backyards. If there's any movement, radio in and let us know." Hank ordered. "Get out the long guns everyone."

Erin knew that Hank was keeping her outside because he didn't want her going inside, and she resented it. But she also knew that someone had to monitor the windows and exits, and if she made a big deal about it, it would just solidify Hank's point that she was too personally involved. So instead of pushing, she let it go and got into position.

"Okay, let's move," Hank said to his team.

Erin watched from the outside as her team went into the house. There was no movement in either one of the yards. She watched patiently for a few minutes, when suddenly she heard gun shots.

She knew she shouldn't go in. Now more than ever, it was important to watch the outside. She had to make sure she knew if any offenders tried to leave the property. It took all of her self control not to move. She tried to convince herself that everything was fine, everyone was fine. There were no more gun shots, and another minute passed before the front door opened.

Erin watched as Ruzek and Atwater walked out the front doors. She started walking towards them and immediately noticed that they did not look upset or in a hurry. _That's good. That's a good sign_. She thought immediately.

"Ruzek, Atwater, what's going on?" She called out.

As they opened their mouths to answer, Jay walked out of the house, escorting out an offender handcuffed in front of him. Jay called out to Ruzek, and said "Call the ambulance for the other offender, but let them know he will be a DOA."

Erin continued to walk in their direction. She couldn't see Jay's body because it was being blocked by the offender, but Jay didn't look hurt, and no one was frantically looking for an ambulance. Thank god.

As Jay was speaking to Ruzek, Voight and Nathan Scott walked out of the front door of the house.

"Nate!" Erin shouted. She picked up speed and ran towards Nathan. "Oh my God, Nathan, thank god. We were so worried about you." She finally reached him, walking right past Jay, who was actually covered in blood, and threw her arms around him.

 _She just hugs everyone now, doesn't she?_ Jay thought bitterly. He realized right away that he wasn't being fair. Nathan had a black eye and looked disheveled, and of course Erin was going to be worried about him and relieved to have found him alive.

"Brooke, I'm fine." Nathan said, releasing her from the hug. "But shit, it's good to see you." He smiled down at her, tears in his eyes. "Is Haley okay?"

"Haley's fine, Nathan. She is at Erin's apartment. Erin and Jay will take you there now. Halstead, Lindsay, you're done for the day. We'll wait on the ambulance for the dead offender and get the paperwork done." Hank said.

"You sure, Sarge?" Jay said, not looking at Hank, his eyes still watching Erin and Nathan. Nathan currently had his arm slung over Erin, and Erin was leaning into Nathan with her eyes on Hank.

"Yes, go" Hank said, waving his hand dismissively. "I'll draw up a statement for you. You can sign it tomorrow."

"Thanks, Hank." Nathan said, reaching out to shake his hand. "Thank you all." He said turning to the rest of the team.

"Hey, any friend of Hank's and Erin's is a friend of ours. Glad you're safe man." Ruzek said, giving Nathan a sincere smile.

Nathan and Erin began walking towards the car, and Jay stood back watching them. Hank noticed Jay's hesitance, and walked over to join Jay.

"Halstead, get yourself cleaned up, and go with them. Go to Erin's apartment." Hank said. He knew that Erin hadn't told him everything, and that Jay was probably reeling with all of this new information. But he also knew that Jay was a good guy, and he would accept Erin for who she was.

"Sarge, I'm not sure she wants me there." Jay said. Erin and Nathan had stopped to talk to Olinsky on the way to the car.

"She wants you there. Trust me, Halstead. Go." Hank said, more sternly this time.

Jay walked over to where Erin and Nathan were standing, just as Olinsky was walking away.

"Hey, man." Nathan started, "Thanks for everything you did in there. Uh… if you hadn't cut in when you did…"

"It was nothing. I'm just glad you're okay," Jay said cutting him off.

"It's not nothing, I mean…" Nathan motioned towards Jay's bloodstained shirt.

"Jay, oh my god, are you okay?" Erin said, all of a sudden reaching out to Jay, touching his arms and shoulders, searching his body for any signs of bleeding. She had been so preoccupied with Nathan that she hadn't noticed Jay was completely covered in blood. _I'm a terrible partner_ , she thought.

"Er, I'm fine." Jay said quickly, touched by her concern. "It's not my blood, I'm not hurt." Jay had been hurt when Erin didn't acknowledge him before, and had run straight to Nathan. He understood, he definitely understood, but at the same time, it bothered him. They were partners, and they always had each others backs. She always made sure he was okay, that had always been her first priority. _Until today_ , he thought.

"So you're Jay?" Nathan said, interrupting Erin and Jay. Erin took a step back and released Jay's arms, and looked at Nathan. She knew he was going to say something to get her in trouble, but she was willing to give him a pass today.

"Uhh… yeah, I'm Jay." Jay said awkwardly, shifting his attention from Erin to Nathan. "Sorry, I didn't get a chance to introduce myself before." He reached out to shake Nathan's hand.

Nathan took his hand and shook it, and then patted Jay on the back. "I have heard a ton about you. Mostly from my wife, of course, but according to her, Brooke can't shut up about you." At this, Jay looked at Erin, sending her a smirk and raising his eyebrow at her.

"We were both really looking forward to finally meeting you this weekend," Nathan continued.

Jay's attention shifted back from Erin to Nathan at that. "This weekend?" Jay asked, confused.

"Let's get you home, Nate." Erin said, cutting this conversation off before it could continue.

Jay and Erin stood on opposites sides of the car near their respective seats, as Nathan sat in the back seat.

"Wait, Jay." Erin said, just as Jay was about to lean down and get into his seat. Erin walked over to Jay's side of the car and reached out to squeeze his hand. "I know this is a lot to take in. And I know you probably want to just drop us off at my apartment, go home, take a hot shower, and wash off this whole day. But, if you are up for it, I would love it if you would come meet my friends."

Jay leaned down and kissed her on the cheek, slowly backing away and staring deeply into her eyes. "I would love to."

Hope you enjoyed this chapter :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks for all the reviews :) Hope you enjoy this chapter!**

Chapter 7,

"Okay, I think she finally fell back asleep." Nathan whispered as he closed the guest bedroom in Erin's apartment and walked out to the living room where Erin, Lucas, and Peyton were sitting.

"Oh good. I think she was just over tired, she had a little too much excitement for one day." Haley joked, standing up and meeting her husband in the middle of the living room, giving him a slow kiss.

"Get a room, you two." Lucas quipped. He was glad to have his brother home safe, and he knew Haley was too.

"Bite me," Nathan gave Lucas the middle finger as Haley just laughed.

Haley took Nathan's hand in hers and directed him to a seat on the couch. Jay, who had been standing in the kitchen watching the scene, walked into the living room holding two beers. He walked over to Nathan and passed him one.

"Thanks, man." Nathan said, lifting his beer to salute Jay.

"No problem." Jay said, as he took a seat on a stool. There wasn't currently an empty seat next to Erin at the moment, but he wasn't sure he would have sat next to her if there was. He wanted to take in the scene, watch her interact with everyone. Now that the tension of the day was gone, he was anxious to watch Erin with her old friends. From his stool, he had a front row seat to watch: Lucas and Peyton on one couch, Haley and Nathan together on another, arms wrapped around each other, and Erin sitting on the big chair.

"Man, it feels good to finally sit down and relax." Nathan said, to no one in particular. He had walked in with Jay and Erin about two hours before, and Haley had run into his arms. He held her for a long time before saying hello to Peyton and Lucas, and then finally waking Jamie and Lydia. Waking Lydia may not have been the best idea, because she had refused to go back to sleep. He sat in the room for almost an hour, rubbing her back and trying to get her to calm down and fall asleep. Haley offered to take over, but he knew his little girl needed reassurance that her Daddy wasn't going anywhere, and he didn't have the heart to leave her. But man, he was exhausted.

"It feels good to sit down with you and relax." Haley said wistfully, "I know you were only gone from me for a day, but I have never been more scared." Haley had tears in her eyes at this point, her eyes focused on Nathan like he was the only person in the room.

"Honestly, me neither." Nathan replied, giving her a small smile. Then, he slowly turned towards Jay, who had been looking down at his beer. "Jay, I'm not sure how to thank you. I wouldn't be sitting here with my wife if it wasn't for you. And I'm glad to know our girl Brooke has you looking out for her."

"It was nothing, really." Jay shifted uncomfortably. All eyes were on him, and he wasn't loving the attention. And, while he appreciated the sentiment about him looking out for Erin, the whole "our girl" thing wasn't lost on him.

"Hell, it wasn't nothing." Nathan said. Nathan had everyone's attention now. Erin, for the first time in the past two hours, realized she hadn't asked what had happened in that house. She had heard gun shots and she knew one of the offenders died. But it just occurred to her that she had no idea how the takedown went. "When Jay walked in," Nathan started, turning to tell everyone the story. "The man was about to kill me. He had been paid $1.5 million dollars to kill me. Someone betting against my team on the tournament had paid them to kill me. He was set to make a lot of money if I didn't compete." Nathan shook his head in disbelief, "Can you believe that? Ordering to kill me so I didn't play in a tournament?"

Haley shuddered, tears threatening to spill down her face as she watched her husband relay the story. She squeezed his hand, giving him the strength to continue.

"So he was about to kill me, but Jay, he came in with that other detective, Antonio Dawson. The guy has a gun to my head, but before he can even get out a word, Jay shoots him." Nathan said, his voice a mixture of shock and awe. He turned, staring directly into Jays eyes, "You saved my life. It's not nothing."

Haley squeezed Nathan's hand a second time and slowly stood from her chair, walking towards Jay. "Jay, thank you. Thank you for everything," she said, leaning down and giving a stunned Jay a long hug.

"Okay, guys." Haley said brightly, as she released Jay from the hug and stood, "I think it's time for another round and some lighter conversation."

"Definitely." Jay said, chuckling, happy to shift the conversation to something else.

Jay and Haley both walked into the kitchen to gather drinks for everyone while Erin just sat watching them. Today had been a long, traumatic day, but she couldn't help but feel grateful. She was sitting here spending time with all of her favorite people in the world - all in one place. She was so happy and at peace - back living in her apartment, watching Haley and Jay in the kitchen, opening beer bottles and laughing easily with each other.

The conversation took a lighter turn, and everyone sat around drinking and enjoying each others company.

"Okay, so Jay," Lucas said, as he began his fifth or sixth drink of the night. He had a good buzz going, and he was ready to start asking Jay some questions. According to Peyton, Erin and Jay were just partners and friends, but he was getting some serious relationship vibes from them tonight... or at the very least, some sexual tension.

"Yes?" Jay said, feeling a little buzzed himself.

"You saved Nathan today,and Hank seems to respect the hell out of you from what he has told Hales." Jay listened intently to Lucas, raising his eyebrow towards Erin. He wasn't sure where he was going with this, but he was happy to hear that Hank respected him.

Erin knew _exactly_ where Lucas was going with this, and she wanted to kill him. "So it just doesn't seem to add up. What's wrong with you?"

Jay choked on his beer and Peyton smacked Lucas hard on the arm. Erin glared at him.

"Umm... I'm not sure how I am supposed to answer that," Jay said honestly.

"Brooke doesn't have the best track record with men. She has absolutely terrible taste," Nathan took over, shaking his head in agreement with Lucas.

"I do not have terrible taste!" Erin shouted, smacking her hands on the arm rests. She was definitely tipsy at this point, and her voice came out a lot louder than she had meant for it to.

"Okay, I take it back. What I meant to say is that Brooke tends to go after men who are emotionally unavailable. Is that a more accurate statement?" Nathan sent a questioning look towards his wife.

"Yes, that is definitely more accurate." Haley said to Nathan, sending Erin a wink and smiling.

"Hey!" Erin said, feigning insult.

"Brooke, you dated Lucas when you knew he was in love with Peyton! And god, do you remember Felix?" Haley said, laughing loudly. She was enjoying having all her friends together, and ragging on Brooke was too fun.

"Oh my god, I forgot about Felix. Man, that guy was such a dick." Peyton said.

"Okaaaay, not one of my proudest moments," Erin conceded. Felix really was a dick.

"And remember when you came home for Christmas and New Years a couple years ago and had that fling with Owen? Talk about emotionally unavailable!" Peyton joked, enjoying this conversation more and more.

"Okay, I didn't want to date Owen! I just wanted someone to kiss on New Years!" Erin replied drunkenly. She was staring at Peyton but she could feel Jay watching her, and her cheeks felt hot.

Jay sat watching Erin's cheeks redden, although he wasn't sure if she was embarrassed or if it was just a product of the alcohol. He was sitting on the stool and hadn't really been a part of the conversations. He had been observing, watching Erin joke around with her friends, trying to take it all in. It was nice to see her so relaxed and happy, but it also made him feel... off. He couldn't figure out why, and he couldn't even describe what he was feeling... separate, maybe?

"Oh god, Peyton, do you remember that night at Tric? Brooke kissed Owen at midnight, and I think Hank had to use all of his self control to not pry tho two of them apart!" Haley was giggling like a school girl at this point, enjoying reminiscing with her friends.

"Wait," Jay interrupted, finally deciding to join the conversation. "Erin, I mean Brooke..." he paused, he wasn't sure which name to use among her friends. "kissed someone in front of Hank?" Was it absurd that Jay felt more surprised by this admission than all the others of that day? _Probably_ , he thought.

"Oh yes. And Hank still thinks of Brooke as 17, so it was QUITE the scene." Peyton replied, receiving another glare from Erin.

"Okay, I think memory lane is closed." Erin stood up, gathering empty beer bottles and walking them towards the recycling bin in the kitchen. "We should probably start figuring out where everyone is sleeping tonight. One couple can take my room, and this couch pulls out."

"If we take all of the beds, where are you going to sleep, Brooke?" Haley said.

Jay stood from the stool, knowing this was his cue to leave. "I have a second bedroom in my apartment. One of you can take that room, and I can have you back here tomorrow before your kids wake up," He had no idea why he offered this. All he really wanted to do was to go home, drink another beer, and reflect on this day. He didn't want to entertain anyone, and he certainly didn't want to entertain a bunch of people that seemed to know his best friend better than he did.

After today, he wasn't even sure... was she his best friend? _Yes, of course she is._ He thought, _I'm just not HER best friend_. And that thought alone made him want to swap out the beer for whiskey.

Nathan looked at Haley, and Haley nodded in agreement. "We would love to take you up on that Jay, if you really don't mind." Haley said.

"Of course."

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Erin went to settle in Lucas and Peyton in her bedroom, and Nathan and Haley went to check on their kids one last time, leaving Jay alone in the living room. Without thinking twice, he walked over to Erin's bookshelf and slipped the paperback of _an unkindness of ravens_ into his bag. He knew that he should just wait for Erin to tell him the stories of her youth herself, instead of finding out about it from another source... but he just couldn't bring himself to put the book back on the shelf. And he didn't feel all that guilty about it. He closed the bag and walked towards the door to put on his coat, as Erin stepped out into the living room.

"Hey, thanks for this." She walked towards Jay, clasping her hands together awkwardly. "For everything..." she trailed off. She moved closer to Jay, holding his gaze, willing him to reach out and touch her. She didn't want to make the first move, not after today. It was a lot to process, and she knew she needed to follow his lead. But she also knew she wouldn't sleep a wink tonight if she didn't have a clue about where his head was at.

"It's fine. I'm happy to help." He said shortly, looking away from her and slinging his coat over his shoulders.

"Jay..." Erin wanted him to look at her again, "Can we talk about this?" _What happened to following his lead?_ she scolded herself. She just couldn't help it.

Jay had already put his coat on and zipped it up, and now he was backed into the corner near the door. He had no where to look, and he couldn't avoid her hazel eyes staring at him. "Not right now, okay?" He was tired, and he didn't want to say anything he would regret.

"I don't want to leave things like this between us," her voice was sad as she reached out to graze his shoulder. He immediately stiffened against her hand and looked away.

"Don't."

"Jay, come on. Look at me." Erin said, holding on more tightly to his shoulder and stepping closer. She could feel the heat of his body against her own.

"All this time, I haven't pushed. I never pushed you to tell me about your past, because I knew it was hard for you to talk about. Your mom, Charlie..." Now Jay was looking at her, his green eyes piercing. "Every thing I found out about your childhood, it was indirect. I saw your CI file by accident. I watched from behind the glass when you talked to Charlie about Sandaval. I listened as you told a victim that you had lived in a shelter. I learned about your mother from Hank. But none of that came from you... you never told me any of it. And I..." he paused for a moment, their eyes still locked on each other. "I accepted that; I was okay with it because I could tell it was hard for you to talk about. And I guess I also thought that you didn't share those feelings with anyone." He took a deep breath, and kept going, trying to keep the hurt out of his voice. "But today, tonight, with these people... these are happy memories. Happy memories that you didn't want to share with me." He paused, knowing that wasn't even the worst of it, "And the part I can't seem to get past... I'm watching you with these people, these people that know all about Hank, and me, and your life... and it has been made abundantly clear to me that you are truly capable of letting people in. All that time I thought you didn't share those feelings with anyone... you just never wanted to share them with me."

"Jay, that's-"

"Ready to go?" Nathan and Haley walked towards Jay, bag in hand. Erin was facing away from them, so they missed the tears streaming down her face.

For Jay, they were in full view. "Yeah, let's go." He turned away from Erin, and walked out of the apartment.


	8. Chapter 8

Hi! Sorry for the delay, hope you enjoy this chapter :)

Chapter 8,

Erin watched Jay leave her apartment, feeling stunned. Before Nathan and Haley had cut her off, she was about to say, "Jay, that's not true." But even as the words were forming, she knew that on some level, everything he had said was true. She was open and honest with her friends back in Tree Hill, and she let them into her life with no reservations. She had told them all about Jay - and not just surface stuff, but everything - their short, but amazing relationship, dealing with Hank's no in-house romance rule, and the more recent revelation that Hank had given them the okay. She spent time talking to them on the phone, she visited them over holidays, she was even Jamie's godmother. But for some reason, she felt like her relationship with Jay was _more_ real. She felt like her truest self with Jay. She had allowed herself to be completely vulnerable with him in a way she has never been with anyone else... except that she didn't tell him about her past. Which, now that she was standing in the doorway staring at a closed door, she realized made no sense. If she couldn't make sense of it to herself, no wonder Jay couldn't either.

Erin forced herself to move away from doorway, making her way into the living room. She laid down on the couch, not even bothering to pull it out to make the bed. She turned on the TV to try to block out her rambling thoughts. She knew she had hurt Jay, his expression before he left had made that very clear. She needed to figure out a way to fix things with him... but right now, she was exhausted - completely emotionally and physically drained. And even though it was only 9 pm and the TV and lights were all on, she quickly fell into a deep sleep.

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"This is where you'll be staying," Jay flipped on the lights to his second bedroom, directing Nathan and Haley inside. "There are towels in the closet over there, and the bathroom is down the hall."

"Thanks so much for everything, Jay." Haley walked into the room and placed her bag on the bed.

"Any friends of Erin are friends of mine," he said standing in the doorway. "I'll let you two get settled, I know it's been a long day. Let me know if you need anything." With that, Jay walked down the hall into his room. He shrugged off his jacket and began to change into sweatpants and a t-shirt. He looked at the clock on his nightstand, and saw that it was only 9:05 pm. He knew Haley and Nathan had had a long day, and he probably wouldn't hear from them for the rest of the night.

He walked into the kitchen and grabbed a beer, and then turned the TV on low in the living room. He was trying to use the TV as a distraction from the book that was sitting, waiting to be read, in his bag. So far, it wasn't working out very well.

Jay finished off his second beer and looked down at his phone. He hadn't been expecting Erin to call him or text him, that wasn't really her style. Plus, this wasn't exactly a conversation to have via text message. But, he felt a wave of disappointment nonetheless. He stood up and went to the fridge for another beer. He knew he should stop drinking, he had to work tomorrow... but that didn't stop him.

It was now past 10, and Haley and Nathan had long since gone to sleep. Jay walked over to his bag and pulled out the book. He opened his beer and sat on the stool in the kitchen staring at the cover. Even though he had read this book before, he was nervous about what he was going to find. Every word would have new meaning now.

He opened up the book and began to read...

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Nathan looked down at his beautiful wife, sleeping soundly tucked under his arm. When he had been tied up in that house, this is what had kept him going. His amazing, wonderful family.

Two or three hours ago, he had been exhausted. Now, he was wide awake, staring at the ceiling, feeling completely restless. He wouldn't say he was having nightmares or flashbacks... but he was just feeling a little uneasy. He decided to get up and go into the kitchen in search of a night cap... _or a Xanax,_ he thought.

He walked out into the kitchen and allowed his eyes to adjust to the light. There was Jay, sitting there reading Lucas's book, empty beer bottles sitting on the counter.

Jay was so engulfed in the book, he hadn't even heard Nathan walk in. He jumped when he felt a hand touch his back. "Hey, it's just me." Nathan said right away, trying to steady Jay.

"Sorry, I didn't hear you," Jay said nervously. Part of him was embarrassed having been caught with this book and the other part of him was anxious Nathan was going to tell Erin. "Can I get you something?"

"A beer would be great, thanks."

Jay walked over to the refrigerator, avoiding eye contact with Nathan. This situation was so surreal. He opened the beer and handed it to Nathan, finally reaching his eyes. "Umm... I was just-"

"Hey, I get it." Nathan interrupted. "This all must be a lot for you to take in."

Jay was surprised by Nathan's comment. Earlier at the crime scene, it seemed like Nathan was expecting to meet Jay this weekend, like maybe he thought Jay knew about him. "Uh.. yeah. Today was..."

"Today was rough," Nathan finished for him, taking a long sip of his drink.

Jay immediately felt like an idiot. Here he was, feeling sorry for himself because of his feelings for Erin, meanwhile Nathan spent the day tied up, not knowing if he was ever going to see his family again. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Honestly, no," Nathan sat down on the stool opposite Jay. "I came out here looking for something to calm my nerves and distract me. I most certainly don't want to talk about it." He paused. "This situation, with you and Brooke... this is a good distraction. Mind if we talk about that?"

Jay faltered. He didn't really want to talk about Erin, and certainly not with someone who called her Brooke. But when he put it like that... "Sure," he said taking a deep breath, "We can talk about how you all seem to know about me, and you all seem to know that I don't know about you." He didn't mean for that to come out harshly, but he just couldn't help it.

"Is that why you're reading Luke's book?" Nathan probed.

"Yeah," Jay said, glad Nathan brought up Lucas's book. "Can you not tell her about that?"

Nathan nodded, completely understanding.

"I guess it was some misguided attempt to... understand? I don't know." As much as Jay hadn't thought he wanted to talk about it, he realized that it would feel good saying these things out loud. "I'm reading this, and on the surface, this Brooke Davis character just seems like a totally different person to me. This light-hearted, happy, boy-crazy cheerleader. I mean, Erin? A cheerleader?" He laughed at the thought. "But then, I get to a chapter that says her family could have broken her but that even despite them, she is incredibly strong. And that chapter..." he paused, not knowing exactly what to say. "That chapter has Erin Lindsay written all over it."

Nathan watched as a smile formed on Jay's lips. He said that last sentence with a mix of pride and awe. "Listen, Jay," Nathan started. "I don't want to tell you anything Erin wouldn't want me to tell you." Nathan said, using Brooke's "Chicago name".

"Hey, yeah. I understand. Sorry, I didn't mean to say all of that anyway, I don't know where all of that came from." Jay blushed, feeling embarrassed.

"I wasn't finished!" Nathan laughed, "I don't want to tel you anything Erin wouldn't want me to tell you... but that being said," he emphasized and drew out the last part of his sentence, "I have a unique perspective that I'm going to share with you." He looked over and Jay and saw that he had his undivided attention.

"Brooke and I, we grew up together and ran in the same circles. We had a similar upbringing... We had no rules, and we had no one who cared what time we got home at night - and they certainly didn't care what state we were in when we got there. Brooke had it worse, I mean she essentially lived in a huge house completely alone." Nathan shook his head, now that he had two kids of his own, this seemed even more unimaginable. "But people envied us. We were popular, we went to parties, we slept with... well, everyone - including each other, by the way, sorry man." Nathan saw Jay wince at that statement, but he figured it would be best to get that out of the way now. "But it's hard. It's hard being the object of envy when you feel completely alone. My mom was an addict and my dad went to jail, just like Brooke's. But the difference is that I found Haley." Nathan's voice grew soft and a smile took over his face. "Haley saved my life, she made me into the best version of myself." He paused, shifting his mindset back to Brooke. "But Brooke... well Brooke had a best friend and boyfriend who thought it would be a good idea to sleep together behind her back. And the stuff with her mom being an addict and her dad going to jail, that happened after she got to Chicago. We tried to be there for her as much as possible... but being hundreds of miles away? It's just not the same."

Jay sat completely still, listening to Nathan. He wanted to comment and ask questions, but he knew that if he did, Nathan might realize he was saying too much and stop.

"And honestly... we weren't there for enough. At least not in the beginning." Nathan thought back to that time. He had been a college freshmen, a new father... he had been too caught up in his own stuff to support his friend the way she deserved. _Not my proudest moments_ , he thought. "A few weeks after Hank and Camille took Brooke in, Hank called Haley. He told her Brooke was struggling, and he flew Haley out. And ever since then, we visit and she visits and we make sure to support her the best we can." He realized he had just released his stream of consciousness and had said way too much. He knew he should stop, but he had one more thing to add.

"But, Jay." Nathan held his gaze, wanted to impress upon him how much he meant was he was about to say. "That happy, boy-crazy girl Luke describes in his book? That was just the character she showed the world. That has never been her." He paused, "I don't think I've ever seen her truly happy. Until now, with you."

:)


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9,

"Morning, coffee's fresh! I hope you don't mind, I snooped around your kitchen cabinets before I realized the coffee beans were already on the counter!" Haley laughed, making herself right at home on the kitchen stool. She had gotten up early, and came in to the kitchen to find several empty bottles of beer on the counter. She figured Jay could definitely use the coffee this morning.

"Thanks, Haley. It smells amazing." Jay walked over and poured himself a cup, adding some milk. His head was pounding. After his conversation with Nathan, he opted not to finish the rest of the book - at least for now. He went to sleep and had actually managed to get 7 hours last night... But he definitely overdid it on the beer. He was definitely regretting the last one... or three. He needed some Advil, but this coffee was certainly helping.

Nathan walked in and kissed his wife on the forehead. Jay watched with a hint of envy. They seemed so perfect for each other, so in sync, and so happy. He knew he wanted that for him and Erin. Haley turned to look towards him and Nathan, interrupting his thoughts. "Brooke called. The kids woke up earlier than usual, but she made chocolate chip pancakes and let them eat in front of a movie. They're in heaven!"

"Oh, good. We should do something fun today, since I'm not playing in the tournament anymore. Jay, you wanna join us?" Nathan leaned against the kitchen counter drinking his coffee. Now that he knew the kids were awake and having a good time, he didn't feel the need to rush.

"Actually, I have to get to work." Jay was surprised at how much he wanted to hang out with them instead of going to work. It wasn't even about Erin, _well not about her entirely_ , he thought. He liked Nathan and Haley, and he was eager to get to know them in the short time they were here.

"Well, you're not working tomorrow are you? Because Nathan and I aren't really going to take no for an answer." Haley smiled at him, getting up from her stool.

"I am not." Jay said, smiling back.

Jay drove Nathan and Haley back to Erin's apartment. He opted to go upstairs with them, to check in and see if Erin needed a ride to work. He knocked on the apartment door - the key he had was only for emergencies - and Peyton answered the door, a crying Sawyer Scott on her hip.

"Aww, Sawyer. What's wrong little one?" Haley soothed.

"Three kids sleeping in one room... I think this one is going to need a nap soon." Peyton sighed. "Hopefully she can get a couple hours before we want to go out today." She said, as she walked with everyone into the living room.

"Aunt Brooke made us chocolate chip pancakes, Mommy!" Lydia yelled as she ran towards her mom.

Haley scooped her up, "I can see that! You have chocolate all over your face."

At that, Erin walked in with wet paper towels in her hand. "I was just about to clean her face! But Aunt Brooke makes the best pancakes doesn't she?" She teased, looking over at Lydia. As she went to wipe Lydia's face, she looked past Haley and realized Jay was standing in her apartment. She felt her heart rate quicken. She was anxious about seeing him today and spending the day with him. She had noticed this morning that one of her copies of _an unkindness of ravens_ was missing, and she knew he must have at least read some of it last night. It had given her hope when she saw it, _he must still care_ , she had thought immediately. But then, doubt started to seep in. Because, what was it that he had said? Everything he had found out about her past had been... _indirect_. This was certainly indirect. She wanted to talk to him about it - that book may have covered her high school years, but she still had a lot to fill in. And she wanted to tell him, she really did.

Jay caught Erin staring and interrupted her thoughts, "I just came by to see if you needed a ride to work."

"Oh," she said surprised. She thought he was here to spend the day with them. "Hank called this morning, he gave me the day off." Now that she thought about it, it made sense that Hank wouldn't give Jay the day off too. She wasn't sure what she had been thinking.

Jay stood their awkwardly, twisting his keys in his hand, "Okay, I better go then, if I don't want to be late." He turned to Haley, Nathan, and Peyton in the living room. "It was really great meeting all of you."

"Come over for dinner tonight. Lucas and I are cooking! Since we crashed Haley and Nathan's vacation and stole Brooke's bed last night, we figure we owe them." Peyton laughed, while she bounced Sawyer up and down on her hip.

Jay looked over at Erin, trying to gage if she wanted him there or not. She seemed nervous, but she nodded slightly. "Yeah, sounds good."

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"So want to tell us what that was about?" Peyton asked over breakfast thirty minutes later. Peyton, Lucas, Nathan, Haley, and Erin were all sitting around the table eating the rest of the pancakes and relaxing while Sawyer and Lydia napped and Jamie did some homework.

"What what was about," Erin replied, knowing _exactly_ what she was asking about.

"Come on. He's supposed to be your partner and your best friend, and don't lie to me and tell me you are not in love with him, because I know-"

"I am not-" Erin interrupted.

"Yes, you are." Peyton cut her back off. "And then he comes in here this morning and it feels so tense and awkward. You barely even looked at him, and he was shifting uncomfortably the whole time! What gives?"

"Can we not do this?" Erin asked, knowing that she was going to have to have this conversation right now, whether she liked it or not. Her friends were not going to let it go.

"Brooke, we're just concerned. That's all. Hank pardoned the two of you, and it would be very Brooke Davis of you to put up walls because you are afraid of getting hurt." Haley tilted her head to the side, giving Erin a worried look.

"Last time you were with Jay, you knew Hank was going to break the two of you up when you found out. Now, you have no safety net and you're scared." Peyton added.

"That's not-" Erin tried to interrupt.

"You were going to tell him about us this week, what happened?" Haley cut Erin off, reaching out and touching her hand softly.

"If you would let me talk," Erin took her hand away from Haley and backed up her chair. "Then I would be able to tell you that I tried to talk to Jay last night and he didn't want to talk to me." She stood up abruptly and walked towards her room, trying to hide the tears threatening to fall.

Haley and Peyton followed Erin into her room, and sat down with her on the bed. Haley put her arm around Erin and let Erin cry on her shoulder for a few minutes before she decided to break the silence, "Brooke Davis, you are one of the strongest people I know. You have had to be strong and tough in your life and in your job to get to where you are today. You put up walls to protect yourself from your parents, from Charlie, from the mean girls at school, from bullies at the academy who didn't believe girls could be good detectives - you blocked anything that might hurt you more than you have already been hurt. And that was okay, you were being cautious. But somewhere along the way you started putting up walls to protect yourself from people you don't need protection from."

Erin closed her eyes and listened to Haley. She knew Haley was right, but it was a hard habit to break.

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Jay spent the day at work thinking about what Nathan had said, and by the end of the day he had decided he was going to give Erin a chance to explain herself. He wasn't sure what he was going to do with the information she gave him, but he owed it to both of them to listen.

He arrived at Erin's apartment early for dinner, hoping to be able to get her alone. He knocked on the door, and Jamie answered. "Jay, right?"

"Yes, nice to see you again, Jamie." Jay replied, still standing in the door way.

Jamie moved forward and wrapped his arms around Jay in an awkward hug. "Thank you for saving my dad's life."

Jay bent down and put his hand on his shoulder and saw that Jamie looked anxious and tears were forming in his eyes. "You're welcome. But you know, with your Aunt Brooke and Hank being detectives in this city... he was never in a real danger. So don't you worry about that, okay?"

"Okay," Jamie said, feeling slightly more relaxed. Now that Jay was bent down to Jamie's level, Jay reached and gave Jamie a tight, reassuring hug. He felt Jamie relax against him.

Erin watched Jamie and Jay in the doorway and smiled. She didn't know why she was ever afraid of telling Jay. He fit seamlessly into her Tree Hill family, and more than that, he would never hurt her. She watched as Jay released Jamie from the hug and they walked inside the apartment.

Jamie walked right past Erin into the living room, and Jay stopped in front of her in the hallway. "Hey," he said looking up at her tentatively. "I came a little early, I was hoping he could talk."

Without thinking, Erin stepped forward and closed the gap between them. She stood on her tip toes and leaned towards him, looking into his green eyes. She stayed staring at his eyes for a beat, before closing her eyes and pressing her lips softly against his.

xoxoxoxoxox

Please review :)


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10,

Jay was stunned by Erin's actions; he hadn't even noticed her watching him. But as she pressed her lips against his, his desires took over. All the questions he had wanted to ask her melted away as he poured himself into her. What started as a soft, gentle kiss suddenly turned as the heat and electricity overcame them. Erin dug her hands into Jay's waste as he slowly pressed her against the door. His hands traveled up her body and she let out a soft groan.

"Um... Brooke." And just like that, the kiss was over. Jay and Erin stumbled away from each other, and Erin self-consciously ran her hands through her hair. They both looked over at Haley standing in the hallway. "I know Hank pardoned you two, but I'm thinking he doesn't actually want to see it... Not that I mind," she added with a wink.

"Voight's here?" Jay looked at Erin nervously. Haley walked away, giving Erin and Jay a moment of privacy before they joined the rest of the group.

Erin had completely forgotten Voight was in her kitchen. She had nearly forgotten that there was anyone else in her apartment at all. All she could think about was kissing Jay, feeling his warmth wrapped around her. Now she looked up at him and blushed, "Yeah, Peyton and Lucas invited him to dinner."

"And he is already here?" Erin nodded. Jay had come early hoping they could talk, and now it seemed that he was the last dinner guest to arrive.

He suddenly realized that he and Erin were still standing by the front door and he was still wearing his coat. To give him something to do, he unzipped and removed his coat, turning to hang it on the hook. With that task completed, he began to walk deeper into the apartment.

"Wait, Jay," Erin grabbed his arm, turning him to face her. "I know we still have a lot to talk about," she said softly.

Jay looked into her hazel eyes and noticed she was looking up at him nervously. Wanting to soothe her, he reached his hand up to her face and gently brushed her hair behind her ear. "We do," he started. He didn't lean his face towards her, and instead stayed upright. "But for now, let's just have dinner, okay?"

Erin looked up at him, but his expression was unreadable. That kiss had sent shivers and heat through her whole body, and he had definitely responded. But was it just something that happened in the moment? She had initiated the kiss and hadn't given him much of a chance to stop her. Maybe if Haley hadn't interrupted, he would have pulled away. She looked away and said, "Okay."

Erin and Jay walked into the kitchen together to see Peyton stirring a pot on the stove, Haley sitting in the stool with a glass of wine, and Hank standing in the center of the kitchen holding Lydia. Everyone turned to greet Erin and Jay as they joined Haley on the stools, Erin with a glass of wine and Jay with a beer.

Jay watched with bewilderment as Hank played with Lydia. Hank stood Lydia up on the counter, holding her at her waste to make sure she was secure. They were playing peek-a-boo with the cabinets, opening and closing them. Lydia let out a huge belly laugh every time Hank closed to cabinet to reveal his face and yelled  
"peek-a-boo". After a few rounds, he plucked her off the counter top and began tickling her. She giggled and giggled, smiling at Hank the whole time.

"You are so good with her, Hank." Haley said from her stool at the kitchen counter.

"Well, Daniel is a big fan of cabinet peek-a-boo." Hank stopped tickling Lydia and balanced her on his hip facing Haley. "But, I have to say," he squeezed Lydia's cheek, "I think I'm ready for a granddaughter."

"Well, now that you pardoned Brooke and Jay, I'm thinking it's only a matter of time." Haley joked, sending Hank a wink. At this comment, Jay choked on his beer and began coughing uncontrollably. Erin turned towards Haley and sent her a glare that said _are you out of your mind?_ But to Erin's surprise, Hank just chuckled, his eyes back on Lydia. Erin looked between Haley and Hank, and finally turned to glance at Jay. He had stopped coughing, but he was staring down at his beer. She had expected a smirk or an eyebrow raised in her direction, but instead she saw a blank face and a tension in his shoulders.

Suddenly Hank's cell phone began to ring, causing Lydia to jump. Erin thanked God and whoever was on the other end of that call for breaking up this moment.

"Voight." He listened for a few seconds, "Yeah, we'll be right there." He hung up and looked at Jay. "Halstead, we've got a case. Let's go."

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"What've we got?" Voight addressed Olinsky and Dawson as he walked through the front door of a large, rundown apartment building. They had all just arrived on the scene.

"Two dead, husband and wife." Dawson began, as Voight, Olinsky, and Halstead made their way into the apartment. Ruzek and Atwater were in the corner, speaking to the officer that had discovered the bodies. Atwater continued to speak to the officer while Ruzek approached his team.

"The husband and wife appear to have been killed execution style in the kitchen." Ruzek began directing the team towards the kitchen. "When we got here, there were three kitchen cabinets open and emptied. Forensics is looking into it now, but the bottom of the cabinets are covered in what seems to be cocaine residue."

"You think they were selling?" Halstead asked, walking towards the cabinets in question.

"Appears that way." Ruzek answered.

"This is Kings territory." Dawson paced the kitchen, "Maybe these were low level dealers for the Kings," he stopped and faced the team, "Or maybe they were trying to sell on their own. The Kings killed them to send a message."

"First things first, ID the bodies." Hank said. "And find out if that residue is actually cocaine."

"I'm on it, Boss." Ruzek said, leaving the room.

Halstead turned away from where he was standing at the cabinets and a frame on the opposite wall caught his eye. He walked towards the frame and reached out to touch it. In the picture were the husband and wife standing proudly, the husband holding a baby in his arms. "Ruzek!" Halstead yelled.

"Yeah?" Ruzek answered, walking back into the kitchen.

"Is there a baby here?" Halstead shouted, walking quickly past Ruzek out the kitchen door. He passed through the living room and began walking towards the back hallway in search of the child. He opened the first door he came upon, and after noticing it was a bathroom, kept moving. The next door he opened revealed a small, pink bedroom. He walked inside, noticing the twin bed with a pink and white comforter.

He closed the door quietly to block out the noise of the apartment, which was now filled with police officers and detectives. He noticed a white, wooden rocking chair in the corner of the room. Above the rocking chair, he noticed a name painted on the wall in pink, "Isabelle".

"Isabelle," Jay began softly, opening the closet doors. "My name is Jay Halstead. I'm a detective here with the police." He peered through the empty closet, looking into each corner to make sure he didn't miss anything. He didn't know how old that picture was - but there wasn't a crib in here, so she probably wasn't a baby anymore.

He continued to look around the room. "You don't have to be scared." He knelt down and peeked under the bed. Curled up against the opposite wall was a little girl in a pink nightgown. She had soft brown hair that curled at the bottom and she pushed it out of her face. She looked at him with tears in her eyes. Shit, she looks terrified.

"Sweetheart, can you come out for me?" He immediately wished his partner was here. There were no women on his team right now, and he wasn't sure if Isabelle would crawl out of the her hiding place for him. Even if he could reach out to her, he wasn't sure it was a good idea.

She shook her head at him and the tears spilled out of her blue eyes. He noticed for the first time that she was pale and looked thin.

"Isabelle, right?" She nodded. "Isabelle, you are safe now. No one here is going to hurt you, I promise." She continued to hold his gaze. "I am just going to lie here with you until you are ready to come out, okay?"

He rested on his stomach with his head turned towards her. She slowly inched her way towards him, watching him as she moved. When she reached him, he didn't reach out to touch her. He didn't want to scare her more than she already was.

"Can you tell me how old you are, Isabelle?" Jay asked, now sitting on the floor facing her.

"Four," she said shyly. She shivered, and he noticed that all she was wearing was a thin nightgown. He quickly scanned her body to look for bruises, and was grateful that he didn't see any.

"Isabelle, are you cold? Do you want to change into something warmer?"

She looked at him. He could tell she was still trying to assess if she should be scared. She seemed to decide that he wasn't going to hurt her, and she nodded.

"Okay," Jay stood up. "Let's find you something to wear." Jay walked over to the dresser and removed a pair of leggings and a sweater. He brought them over to Isabelle. "Are these okay?"

She nodded again, and lifted her arms above her head, signaling for him to help her get dressed. He removed her nightgown, and quickly scanned her body again before helping her put on her leggings and sweater. Again, he noticed that she was pale and thin, but she didn't appear to have any bruises on her front or back. He sighed in relief.

Now that she was dressed, he wanted to get her out of the apartment without her seeing anything. Thankfully, her parents bodies were in the kitchen and they could bypass the kitchen on the way out.

He reached down to pick up Isabelle, and walked towards the door. "Isabelle, what do you say we go down to the police station and get some ice cream?" He smiled at her enthusiastically.

"Chocolate?" She asked, smiling up at him. The tears had disappeared and now her blue eyes shined bright up at him.

"Definitely chocolate!" Jay opened the door and walked Isabelle towards the living room. "That is my favorite!" He said, keeping her eyes focused on his and blocking her view of the kitchen with his body. He saw Voight out of the corner of his eye and signaled for him to meet him in the hallway.

When they reached the outside of the apartment, Jay waited for Voight. "Hi," Voight said to Isabelle. His deep, gruff voice must have scared her because she immediately turned away and buried her face into Jay's neck.

"Isabelle, this is my boss Sergeant Voight." He moved his neck and peered down at Isabelle. "He's not going to hurt you, okay sweetheart?"

Isabelle looked up at Voight, her arms still wrapped tightly around Jay. She gave Voight a small smile and said quietly, "We are going to the police station for chocolate ice cream."

Voight smiled at Isabelle and then looked at Jay. "Did you call DCFS?" He asked.

Jay shook his head, "Not yet. I wanted to get her out of the apartment first. I'll call once I get to the district."

"Okay. We'll take care of everything here, your job is to keep an eye on her." He looked down and smiled, now addressing the little girl in Jay's arms, "You know, chocolate is my favorite flavor, too. But I like it best when it has chocolate syrup all over it!"

"I love chocolate syrup!" Isabelle sat up straighter in Jay's arms, a huge smile on her face.

"Well, if you ask really nicely, I think Jay here might even stop on the way to the station and buy some for you!" Voight winked at her, and then looked towards Jay. "Halstead," He nodded and walked back into the apartment, closing the door behind him.

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Erin stood in her kitchen, placing the last of the dishes into her dishwasher. Haley, Nathan, Peyton, and Lucas were putting the kids to bed. She was enjoying a moment of quiet and thinking about Jay. Thinking about the kiss they shared made her smile - but then she thought about his unreadable, blank expression in the kitchen when Haley had joked about a granddaughter. She had never known him to not be able to take a joke... And when he had gotten up to leave with Hank, he had barely said goodbye, only engaging with her to ensure she had a spare key for Nathan and Haley to get into his apartment. After they left, she had enjoyed dinner with her friends, but she couldn't help feeling disappointed that Jay hadn't joined them. She also felt slightly guilty that Hank was excusing her from work while her friends were in town.

"Hey," Haley said, walking into the kitchen, "So Nathan and I were talking, and we were thinking instead of staying with Jay tonight, maybe we should take the pull out cough and you should stay with Jay tonight."

"What?" Erin said, surprised.

"Well, we are all still going to be here for the next two days and you haven't had any time alone to really talk." Haley began, "Plus... from what I saw in the doorway before dinner, I'm thinking he won't mind." She smirked.

Erin wasn't so sure about that. She closed the dishwasher and leaned against her counter, thinking about Haley's suggestion. She really did want to talk to Jay. Ever since Haley walked into District 21 two days ago, she and Jay hadn't had many opportunities to be alone. She could tell him Jamie and Lydia were afraid to sleep in the apartment without their parents and that she had offered to leave so they didn't have to. She could bring beer, and there was a game on... no pressure if he wasn't up for talking... "Good idea," she smiled and went towards her room to pack a bag.

 **xoxoxo**

 **Please Review :)**

 **Happy Thanksgiving!**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11,

Overnight bag and six pack of beer in hand, Erin walked the two flights of stairs up to Jay's apartment. The closer she got to the apartment, the more nervous she became. She had almost talked herself into turning around and going home, but then she remembered that if she went home she would have nowhere to sleep. She knew he would be surprised to see her, but she hoped it would be a good surprise.

She approached his door, and assuming Jay was still working on the case, she removed the spare key she had for emergencies from her pocket. As she went to put the key into the lock, she heard Jay's voice. Was he talking to someone? Maybe he was on the phone? She put the spare key back in her coat pocket, and knocked on the door.

When Jay opened the door, Erin registered with surprise that he has a young girl in his arms. She looked about three or four maybe, dressed in yellow leggings and a white sweater. Her head was resting gently on Jay's shoulder with her face tucked into his neck. Her hair was obscuring her face, but she looked like she was probably asleep.

Jay looked at Erin questioningly, he had clearly not expected her to show up at his door. Before Erin could say anything to explain, Jay placed his finger over his lip in a gesture that told Erin to be quiet and then he motioned for her to come inside. "I'm going to put her down," he whispered, "I'll be right back." Erin watched as Jay disappeared into his bedroom, and she went to put the beer in the fridge.

Jay tucked Isabelle in, trying his best not to wake her. She looked so innocent and peaceful. He leaned down and brushed her hair out of her face, and she stirred awake. _Crap_ , he thought. "Go back to sleep sweet girl, I'll be right outside," he assured her. She smiled up at him, and then she closed her eyes and went back to sleep. He turned and tiptoed out of the room.

He found Erin sitting on his couch, looking down at her cell phone. "Hey," he sat down and joined her on the couch. "What are you doing here? Where are Nathan and Haley?"

Erin put her phone away and turned her attention to Jay on the couch. She slid her feet underneath her, making herself comfortable. "Well, I was going to make up some story about how Jamie and Lydia wanted Nathan and Haley and I offered to stay here so they wouldn't have to leave..." she smirked, "But honestly, I just wanted to see you." When Jay didn't respond right away, and Erin thought she may have made a mistake in showing up unannounced.

Jay hadn't responded right away because he hadn't known what to say. He was thrilled she was there and by her honesty, but he was taken aback by her flirtatious attitude. It had been less than a week since Erin had been given permission to move back into her apartment. Even though Hank had given him the go ahead to date Erin, he assumed Erin would need some time and space. He wasn't even sure she would want to be with him, at all. He had assumed they would take things slow, spend time together as friends first.

But then tonight she had kissed him... and she just showed up at his apartment with a bag, telling her she wanted to see him. As much as he wanted to lean in and kiss her when she said that, he didn't want to jump into anything. He was still feeling hurt and confused that she hadn't confided in him, hadn't trusted him enough to let him in. So instead of leaning into kiss her, he searched for the right words to convey these feelings.

She watched him intently, and again she found his expression unreadable. She decided to lighten the mood, and said "But I see you were already entertaining a different girl." She sent him a friendly smile.

That got him to laugh, and he began to relax. "Isabelle, she's four." he said, gesturing to his bedroom. "Her parents were killed tonight, likely drug related. I found her hiding under her bed at the scene. DCFS is closed until Monday, so Voight asked me to take her for the weekend."

Erin noticed that he smiled sadly when he spoke about her parents, but seemed relatively calm that Hank had asked her to take in a four-year old. "Why did Hank ask you?" she couldn't help but ask.

"Well, I found her and we went back to the district for ice cream sundaes. I think Voight could tell she was comfortable with me." He walked into the kitchen to grab two beers from the fridge, and then returned to the couch, handing her one. "Also, since you aren't working this weekend, I was working without my partner, and we can't have that," he flashed his signature Halstead grin at her. "Now I have the weekend off, and hey, I figure I'll bring her to whatever activities you all have planned for the weekend with Jamie, Lydia, and Sawyer. She'll love it." He knew he shouldn't be using Isabelle as an excuse to hang out with Erin, but he couldn't help it.

She smiled at that, "We would love it too." She paused and took a sip of her beer to calm her nerves. "I know we haven't had a chance to talk, and I was hoping we could."

Jay nodded, signaling for her to continue.

"I know you took Lucas's book last night." She said, looking down at her hands. "And there is a lot of stuff in there that doesn't exactly make me look-"

"Erin," Jay cut her off. "I don't care what is in the book. I just want to know about you... _from you_." He said softly. He didn't actually care what she did in her past. God knows he had made some bad choices in his lifetime. He just wanted to know that she was willing to share her stories with him, share her life with him. Because he wanted to share his life with her.

"Okay," she said, her voice shaking slightly. "I grew up in Tree Hill, North Carolina. My parents never wanted me, and they didn't exactly hide it. They traveled a lot, leaving me at home with nannies at first, and then alone once I got to high school. I was a little..." she trailed off, looking for the right word. "Lost. Lonely. I used to throw parties constantly, I used to drink, I experimented with drugs, and I slept around. A lot." She paused, avoiding his gaze but looking down into her hands wistfully. "Looking back, I think I wanted boys to sleep over so I wouldn't feel so alone." It had taken her years to realize the motives behind her early teenage behavior, and she was embarrassed to admit it now. She continued to stare down, not quite able to meet Jay's eyes. "Peyton was my best friend at the time, and she was dating Nathan. They were full of drama and crazy, but at least they had each other."

Jay rested his hand on Erin's knee, a comforting gesture that allowed her to continue. "I was captain of the cheerleading team, and I was popular, but I was a mess. But then during my junior year, I started dating Lucas, and things started to look up for me. I became friends with Haley, which is honestly one of the best things that has ever happened to me - to this day." She paused knowing Haley had saved her life as many times as Hank had, more on Haley later, she thought, and shifted back to the topic at hand. "I was happy. Even when my parents lost all their money and moved to Chicago, I didn't care." She laughed, "I mean, I cared. I had to wear off the rack to Junior prom, and trust me, it was not a good look."

Jay laughed, her smile was infectious. He didn't even know what off the rack meant, and he never thought of Erin as one to care about clothes. But he could imagine that a popular cheerleader would definitely care.

"Anyway, my parents moved to Chicago and I wanted to stay. I moved in with Peyton, and I felt like... I finally felt like I had a family. Haley, Nathan, Peyton, Lucas... and a few others you haven't met yet. I was really, truly happy. Maybe for the first time." Now she looked up at him, a sad smile on her lips. "But then, I found out Lucas and Peyton had been sleeping together behind my back, and it broke me. I felt more alone than I ever had in my life. I packed my bag, bought a ticket to Chicago, and went to find my parents."

Jay's heart broke for the young girl in this story. After a whole life looking for a family, and then finding one... and then having it taken away. He honestly couldn't believe she was still friends with Peyton and Lucas.

"But when I got to Chicago, I found out my dad was in jail. My mom was living with some guy... and she was never home. I started hanging out with the wrong crowds, and I got into drugs. And not the same kind of drugs I was doing at parties in Tree Hill..." she trailed off, not wanting to admit what she had been addicted to. "I went back to Tree Hill here and there in the beginning, for big basketball games or homecoming weekend and things like that. And I went to see Haley out on tour a few times. But eventually I stopped visiting."

A tear began to stream down Erin's face, and Jay reached up and used his thumb to dry it. "Hank and Al arrested me twice for possession, and once for solicitation. I started hanging around Charlie and his friends, and well, you know about all of that." She took a deep breath, knowing she was coming up on some of the worst parts of her history.

Jay listened intently, realizing that even though he knew some stuff about Charlie and her mom and the drugs... she had never told him. It had just been little snippets he picked up here and there, and this all felt very new. In the months they were together, the years they'd been partners... she had never sat down and relayed these stories. He looked into Erin's eyes and the word he had used the day before echoed in his mind. _Indirect_.

"Hank gave me his card the second time he arrested me. He told me to use it anytime. It took months before I finally did." She paused, knowing that she had to tell Jay about the night she used Hank's card. The night that changed the trajectory of her life.

It wasn't going to be easy. "One week, my mom just didn't come home at all. Usually, I would just go to Charlie's if my mom wasn't around... but Charlie and I had gotten in a fight, and well, I couldn't go there." Erin paused, taking a long sip of beer before continuing.

"My mom's boyfriend decided he had had enough of waiting for my mom." She visibly shuddered whenever she thought about that night.

Jay watched her eyes refill with tears, and she began to tremble. He hoped this story wasn't going where he thought it was going. "He didn't try to-"

"No, not that. He brought home some girl from a bar." She watched Jay's shoulders sag in relief. "But my mom chose that night to come back home, and she found them in bed together. She..." her voiced trailed off slightly, as if she lost her train of thought. She took another sip of beer, giving her the courage to continue. "She lost her mind... she started screaming and hitting her boyfriend. She took a lamp and hit the girl over the head. She went nuts. So her boyfriend... he pulls a gun on her." Tears were falling freely at this point, but Erin pressed on. "I called Hank. I was hiding in my bedroom and I begged him to come." She whispered. "By the time he got there, my mom's boyfriend had us both tied up and he was holding a gun to my head." She would never forget that night. It wasn't the last time she had a gun pointed directly at her, she was a detective after all. But it was the first time, and she was defenseless and scared.

"Oh my God, Erin." Jay said, and he wrapped his arms around her and let her cry on his shoulder. "I'm so sorry." He stroked her back, until he felt her relax in his arms.

She leaned back, determined to finish the story. "I stayed with Hank and Camille that night. I changed my name and became Hank's CI after that. He saved my life." She wished that was the end of her story, "But I moved in with Charlie, because I was still hooked on heroine and I wasn't ready to give it up." She sighed, angry at herself for not accepting Hank's offer from the beginning. "Eventually, after Hank arrested me another time, I finally agreed to move in with him, Camille, and Justin. I detoxed, he got me into an all girls private school, and my life started to turn around."

"He saved my life," she said wistfully. "More than once. And the one time I came close to slipping back into old habits, he called Haley. He flew her out, she stayed with me for a week." She smiled through her tears, getting to the happy part of the story. "Hank flew me out to visit them multiple times a year, or he had them come stay with us. He made sure I surrounded myself with good people and left the bad stuff behind."

She took a long sip of her beer, completely drained of all energy. "And that's it. That's how I went from Brooke Davis to Erin Lindsay."

Jay took both of Erin's hands in his and looked into her eyes. "Thank you for telling me," he said softly. And then he wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug, releasing her only after several minutes had passed. "I know you must be exhausted," He stood from the couch, "Why don't you take the guest room, and I'll sleep on the couch."

She stood, and made her way to the second bedroom. She was so grateful that the conversation was behind her. She was even more grateful that Jay had listened so intently and had held her when she cried. Even fully clothed, she had never felt this intimate with anyone. But she was also shocked by how well he knew her, because after that conversation she wasn't sure she could have handled being physically intimate with him, as well. She was completely spent, she felt bone-tired. She wanted to curl into bed and just sleep.

Jay was reeling from all of this new information. He needed time to think, to digest it all. He could tell this conversation drained every ounce of energy she had, and she was feeling vulnerable. He knew she needed space to breath. And he would happily give her that space, he thought. Because, as he held her in his arms, he realized for the first time that he was in love with her. He was deeply and completely in love with her, and he, too, needed space to figure that out.

 **Hi all! Thanks for the reviews :) I wasn't necessarily planning on having Isabelle stay with Jay for more than the weekend. I had the day off work today and I ended up writing the next two chapters - so you'll see why I brought her in soon. That being said, I am open to having her stay more long term if you all want to see that - just let me know what you guys think in the reviews!**

 **Happy Thanksgiving!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Two updates in one day! Warning though, this one is shorter. Note at the bottom! Please review :)**

Chapter 12,

Jay tossed and turned on the couch, struggling to find a comfortable position. His mind still racing, he was thinking about everything Erin had shared with him. When he had been sitting on the couch holding her tightly in his arms, he felt so unbelievably close to her. He felt special knowing that she was sitting with him and welcoming him into huge parts of her life. But now that he was laying on the couch, something was still bothering him. And he couldn't figure out exactly what it was.

After an hour, the stress of the day finally took over and he drifted off to sleep.

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Erin awoke to screaming. _What is that,_ she thought as she scrambled out of bed. She woke so suddenly she forgot where she was and she banged her knee on the bedside table. Ouch, she thought. She remembered, then, that she was in Jay's guest room. "Mommy, mommy," someone cried out from the other room. _That must be Isabelle_.

She threw a sweatshirt on over her tank and quickly walked down the hallway to Jay's room. She stood in the door and found Jay, already there. He was sitting up on his bed, legs stretched out, rubbing Isabelle's back gently. "Shhhh.. you're okay, Isabelle," he soothed.

She stepped into the room and Jay noticed her for the first time. "I think she was just having a bad dream." He whispered, still gently rubbing her back. "She seems okay now though, right?"

Erin met Jay's eyes from the edge of the bed and she noticed that he looked exhausted and anxious. Her gaze shifted to Isabelle. Isabelle's head rested on her pillow, but her face was pushed up against the outside of Jay's leg. Her arm was wrapped around both of his stretched out legs like she was hugging a teddy bear. She was breathing peacefully, and she hadn't cried since Erin walked in the room.

"Yeah," she looked back at Jay. "She seems okay now." She watched as Jay visibly relaxed and her heart melted. He was going to be an amazing dad one day.

Jay eased his way out from under Isabelle's grasp, and walked towards Erin. "I'm going to leave the door open, just in case." He said, as they left the room together.

As Erin began walking to her room, she noticed that Jay began rolling and massaging his neck and shoulders. She immediately felt guilty she had taken the bed. She watched as he sat down on the couch and began to reposition the pillow for himself. "You look like crap," she smirked at him and walked back towards the couch.

"You know, I feel like crap," he said, continuing to massage his neck, now giving her his famous Halstead grin. He had expected her to disappear into the second bedroom and go back to sleep, but he was happy she planned to keep him company a little while longer.

She walked over to him and took his hand. "Come on, there's plenty of room." She said, her voice low and husky, as she motioned towards the second bedroom.

He held her gaze, his hand still resting in hers. He hadn't been expecting that. He stood up, his face closer to hers now. He looked down at those hazel eyes and then swept his gaze over her lips. Her lips parted and she let out a small sigh, and heat shot through his body.

She sensed the atmosphere change and their eye contact became charged. Neither of them moved or said a word. She noticed his head tilt ever so slightly, like he wanted to kiss her but was still determining if this was a good idea. Sensing his uneasiness, she once again chose to lighten the mood rather than allow the tension filled moment to continue. "No funny business with a child down the hall," she nudged his chest playfully. "Let's go," she said, more loudly this time. With that, she turned and walked into the bedroom.

Jay followed her, and walked to the opposite side of the bed. He watched her remove her sweatshirt to reveal a thin black tank top and small plaid boxer shorts, and he quickly averted his eyes. The tension between them was at an all time high, and this was not helping. He was just thankful he didn't lean in to kiss her before. She just wanted him to be comfortable - get a few hours of sleep after a long day - and immediately his mind turned to other things... things they could do in bed together that did not involve sleeping. _Jesus, get a grip_ , he scolded himself. It had only been a few hours since their conversation. And he still had questions of his own, he reminded himself. _Not a good time_ , he thought.

Erin turned off the lamp on the side of the bed and got under the covers. She faced away from Jay, and tried to sleep. She hadn't been sure if Jay was about to kiss her outside, but she had definitely noticed the way he looked at her when she removed her sweatshirt... He looked turned on, but conflicted. She wanted to know what was bothering him. She was sure it had to do with the drugs. Her sluttly past, Charlie, her mom... those are things she imagined he could understand and move past. But she hadn't left the drugs behind. It had only been a few months since she had relapsed after Nadia. How was he supposed to trust her not to relapse again? She told him the story tonight, and it had a happy ending. Hank, Camille, her Tree Hill family - they had saved her life. She got better, she turned her life around. She wished that had been the end of the story. But everything that happened in the past year - it just proved she hadn't come that far after all.

She wished Jay would just tell her. They could talk about it, try to get past it, move on. She turned around to face him, willing him to speak.

That hadn't been what Jay was thinking about, at all. As he laid in the bed next to her, he finally discovered what was bothering him. During the conversation earlier, he had felt close to Erin. It was the closest he had ever felt to anyone. He had never, in his entire life, felt this intimate with another person. And he felt special. And happy. But... "Why did you wait this long to tell me?" He finally said.

There was something about the middle of the night, laying in the dark. It gave you courage to ask things you would never ask in the light of day. "Did you just tell me because they showed up?" He whispered.

Jay looked at Erin and realized his feelings with complete clarity. Hank, Camille, Nathan, Haley, Peyton, Lucas - she had let them all in. They knew her whole past, the good and bad. Even Peyton and Lucas - who clearly didn't deserve that luxury.

That intimate moment they had just shared on the couch - she had had it dozens of times before, with all of them. He wasn't special... He wasn't special, at all.

xoxoxoxox

 **Had the day off work when everyone else was working... So two chapters in one day! Hope you enjoyed it :) I think I am pretty close to wrapping up the angst and giving them some happy times. Please review!**


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13,

Erin woke up to an empty bed the following morning, and the smell of pancakes wafting in the air. Through her closed door, she could hear Jay and Isabelle talking animatedly to each other in the kitchen. She wanted so badly to join them, but she wasn't sure she could face Jay after last night...

" _Why did you wait this long to tell me? Did you just tell me because they showed up?"_

Erin had looked into Jay's pleading eyes when he asked her those questions. He had asked her a variation of those questions before, in the car, the day Haley and Jamie had showed up unannounced in her office. She had answered him then, saying "Yes!" quickly and adamantly. But when she looked into Jay's hurt expression, she saw that there, laying in in the dark, he needed to hear it again. And in the dark, she couldn't avoid his piercing eyes by staring out at the road.

She hadn't known what to say. While Jay was having his moment of clarity, Erin was feeling lost and confused. She recalled several times that she had intended to tell Jay about her life in Tree Hill and her sordid past. Even before they were dating, she had brought over pizza and beer and planned to tell him. And then many more times when they were dating... and again after she met Jay's brother Will. Every time, she would try to get up the nerve to tell him. She would even count to herself in her head "One, two, three, go." But the words never came. Every time, she hit a wall and she couldn't figure out why.

She still didn't know why. But she knew she owed it to Jay to figure it out, and to only give him an answer when she had an honest one to give. So she looked at him and quietly said, "I don't know."

Jay stared at her for a long time after she said that, but he said nothing. He looked deeply hurt and his expression pained her. She just wanted to cuddle into his body and tell him that it didn't matter why. It was out in the open, and she just wanted to move forward.

But she said nothing. She just held his gaze, willing him to understand her feelings. After what seemed like an eternity, he turned away from her and went to sleep.

After that, she struggled to sleep. She was using all of her energy to hold the tears at bay, she didn't want him to hear her cry. She tried to focus on other things to distract herself. When she finally heard Jay's snores, and she knew he was asleep, she allowed herself to cry. She sobbed into her pillow for what felt like hours, until she fell into a deep sleep.

And now, here she was. Laying in his second bedroom, completely alone. She slowly stood and walked over to the mirror, and she noticed with horror that her eyes were completely swollen. She quietly snuck down the hall into the bathroom, and splashed cold water on her face. She applied some makeup, and that helped a little. She went back to the second bedroom and dressed for the day in jeans and a black t-shirt, and then she took a deep breath and went to join Jay and Isabelle in the kitchen.

Jay was standing in the kitchen, nursing his second cup of coffee. He had woken up early this morning to Isabelle poking his back. He opened his eyes slowly and noticed his body had been wrapped around Erin like a second skin. He eased away from her and turned to face Isabelle, still wearing the same yellow leggings and white sweater from the night before. "Jay," she whispered, "I have to go potty."

He got out of bed and helped Isabelle go to the bathroom. As they walked back into the living room, she began asking questions about her parents, and to avoid the topic, he distracted her by making chocolate chip pancakes. He remembered that Erin had done that to distract Jamie and Lydia when Nathan and Haley were sleeping at his apartment, and he was grateful for the idea. It had worked like a charm. They sat over pancakes, and Isabelle was animatedly telling him everything about her best friend Hannah and the toys they liked to play with at pre-school. She was so darn cute, and it turned out she was successfully distracting him from the situation with Erin.

Isabelle had moved to the topic of her pre-school teacher when Erin walked in. Even with the makeup, Jay noticed that Erin's eyes were swollen from the night before. He couldn't say he was surprised... he had drifted off to sleep and was awoken in the middle of the night to hear her sobbing into her pillow. It was a loud, awful cry, worse than anything he had ever heard come from her. It broke his heart to stay on his side of the bed and let her cry alone, but he thought it would be worse to send mix messages. So instead he just listened to her cry herself to sleep. At some point he must have wrapped his arms around her. He didn't remember doing that, and he was glad that Isabelle had awoken him before Erin noticed.

Even with the swollen eyes, Erin looked beautiful. She smiled at Isabelle, and it quite literally took his breath away.

"Good morning, Isabelle." Erin said lightly, walking over to touch the little girls shoulder.

"Hi," Isabelle whispered timidly. She hadn't met Erin the night before and she seemed a little scared.

"Isabelle, this is my partner, Erin. She is a detective too." Jay said, as he filled a mug of coffee for Erin.

"It's very nice to meet you," Erin smiled at her warmly.

"It's nice to meet you too," Isabelle said, her voice still at a whisper.

"Isabelle. I have some friends who are in town this weekend, and we are all going to go to the zoo today!" She said cheerfully, "Do you think you and Jay would like to join us?"

"With the elephants?!" Isabelle said, her voice animated and returning to her normal volume.

"Yes, and don't forget bears!" Jay said, handing Erin her coffee and reaching over to tousle Isabelle's hair.

"Ok!" Isabelle said excitedly.

Erin sat down, and Jay placed a plate of pancakes in front of her. "Thank you," she eyed him gratefully. "This looks amazing."

"They are delicious!" Isabelle shouted, "I helped make them. Right, Jay? I put in all the chocolate chips!" She gestured at the chocolate chips proudly.

"Wow, that is a very special job." Erin replied excitedly. She had been anxious, expecting things to be tense this morning. But Isabelle was so adorable, and when she walked out Jay seemed happy and relaxed.

Erin began to eat her breakfast, as Isabelle continued to talk and talk about school, her friends, her favorite stuffed animal... She seemed to want to fill Jay and Erin in on her whole life in one morning. Erin watched Jay listen to Isabelle, peppering her with questions and laughing along with her.

At one point, Jay picked Isabelle up and began to tickle her in the stomach. She let out a belly laugh and snuggled into Jay's neck. He reached down and kissed her on the top of her head, and held her while he started on the dishes. Watching this scene made Erin's heart lurch, and she lost her breath. _He is going to be such an amazing father one day,_ she thought.

"You know what, little miss." Jay said to Isabelle who was still in his arms. "You are going to need a coat if we are going to the zoo." He looked over at Erin, "And maybe a change of clothes?"

"Good idea," Erin said, trying to steady herself. _You should not be daydreaming about Jay as a father_ , she chided herself.

Erin went into her room to grab her purse while Jay put on his coat and shoes. As they walked out to leave the apartment, Erin grabbed Jay's arm and turned him to face her. She knew that this weekend was going to be filled with people and activity, and then it would be back to work on Monday. She wasn't sure when she would get this chance again, and she wanted to tell Jay that even though she didn't know why she hadn't told him everything, she was so happy that she did. "Jay, listen about last night-" she began.

Her cut her off before she could continue, "Let's just take a break from all of that, okay?"

"I just-"

"We're partners." He looked at her seriously, "And friends. And last night was..." he searched for the right word, still holding her gaze, "Intense." He lead out a deep breath, "This whole week has been intense."

"That's true." Erin said, drawing out the words, feeling unsure. Last night had been intense, but she had thought it had brought them closer. She certainly felt closer to him now... and that was saying a lot, because she had already felt so close to him before. She wasn't sure why he was downplaying their relationship.

"Hey," he could tell she was upset by his choice of words. "I didn't mean that in a bad way. I just think between your friends, and Isabelle... we should take the weekend to enjoy everyone being here together." He smiled at her, trying to make it sound positive. Honestly, he just didn't think these brief conversations she was trying to squeeze in while he was holding Isabelle on his hip and they were on the way to see her friends were enough. "And I think it will give you some time..."

"Some time for what?" Erin asked abruptly. She didn't need time. She knew what she wanted.

"Some time to come up with an answer that isn't 'I don't know'" He answered plainly. He watched as she immediately cast her gaze downward, looking uncomfortable and hurt. He hadn't meant for that to be a bad thing, he just was having trouble articulating himself this morning. He reached for her hand, lacing his fingers through hers and tried again. "Because I know you have one. And I promise not to run away when I hear it." Before he could think better of it, he lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles gently. She smiled up at him, and then, hand in hand, they walked to the car.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

I know this one is kind of short, but I hope you liked it :)


	14. Chapter 14

**Hi all :) Hope you had a great thanksgiving. I still haven't decided about Isabelle, and if she should stay with Jay and Erin. Let me know what you think! Also please review :) let me know if you like where the story is going! Thanks! Y'all are the best :)**

Chapter 14,

Erin and Jay spent their morning in Target, picking up some necessities for Isabelle. She needed a carseat, a coat, a few pairs of pajamas, and some outfits to wear while she was staying with Jay. The tension from the night before had subsided, and Erin and Jay were sitting in the car listening to Isabelle hum along to the radio from the backseat.

"Erin?"

"What's up, Iz?" Erin asked, shortening the long name. They were stopped at a red light, and she looked up at the young girl through her rear view mirror. Isabelle had stopped humming, but was still swinging her feet and tapping her hands to the beat of the radio. She was in a fresh new outfit that Erin had picked out, and she was wearing a pink winter hat that had a fuzzy ball on top. She looked absolutely adorable, Erin thought, and happy. She was one resilient little girl.

"How come you always drive instead of Jay?" She asked sweetly, "My mommy never drove when my daddy was in the car."

Erin stiffened at the mention of her parents, unsure as to what Jay had told her about that. Jay, on the other hand, just laughed. "Now that is a good question, Isabelle." He poked Erin's arm playfully.

Erin swatted Jay's hand away and looked over at him with a smirk. He never missed a beat. With the light still red, she turned around to look at Isabelle. "Because Jay is my house husband," she replied, sending Isabelle a wink.

"What does that mean?" Isabelle said, not catching her joke.

"It was a joke, Iz." She replied, realizing she just said 'house husband' to a four year old. "The real reason is that Jay and I are partners at work. We are detectives in a unit called the Intelligence unit. And I have been working in our unit longer, so I get to drive." She shifted lanes, noticing that they were nearing the exit for the zoo.

"But that's silly!" She said laughing, now playing with the fuzzy ball on the winter hat that she had removed from her head. "Because you aren't at work! We are going to the zoo!"

"You know... she's got a point there," Jay sent Erin a smug smile. "You are one smart cookie, Isabelle." Jay turned around and gave her knee an endearing squeeze.

"Okay, okay. I give up! Jay can drive us home from zoo." She pulled into the parking lot of the zoo, and found a spot.

Once the car was in park, Jay quickly got out of the car and unbuckled Isabelle's carseat. "Thanks, little miss." He whispered in her ear as he lifted her out.

"You're welcome!" She smiled widely.

"Okay, you two," Erin sighed, feigning annoyance. "Let's go." She loved watching Jay and Isabelle together, and she didn't mind if they wanted to gang up on her.

Jay helped Isabelle out of the car and put her down on the ground. He leaned down to kiss the top of her head and then placed her hat back in place. "Ready?"

"Yes, let's go see the elephants!" She bounced up and down excitedly. She reached out and grabbed Erin and Jay's hands, and together they walked into the zoo.

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"So, you and our girl, Brooke..." Jay, Erin, and Isabelle had been at the zoo for a couple hours with both Scott families and their kids. Jay was surprised by how relaxed he felt, how seamlessly he fit into their group. He genuinely enjoyed spending time with all of them. They had talked about sports, work, their kids, Lucas and Nathan had even asked him about his time in the military - and he had successfully avoided any conversation about his and Erin's relationship... Until now, that is. Erin, Haley, and Peyton had taken the kids to the bathroom while Jay, Lucas, and Nathan had picked up lunch for everyone. The three of them were now sitting at the table waiting for the girls and Jamie to return, and Lucas had finally found his opening.

"Yeah?" Jay replied to Lucas, drawing out the word to form a question. It came out with an edge of annoyance he hadn't actually intended. _She's my girl,_ he wanted to say, _my girl, Erin_. But instead he didn't say anything, and just sent Lucas a blank stare.

"You two are..." Lucas raised his eyebrows at Jay, willing him to finish the sentence and answer his implied question.

"Partners." Jay finished his sentence, hoping that would be the end of it. "Erin and I are partners." He wasn't sure why he added that last part. He still had yet to call Erin 'Brooke'... but in this instance, he really didn't have to call her anything. He hoped Lucas didn't take it as him being defensive or possessive. Because that wasn't it... at least, he didn't think it was.

"Just partners?" Lucas asked, stopping Jay's rambling thoughts and shifting his attention back to the conversation.

Jay wasn't sure how to answer this question. There was no " _just_ ". Being partners in an intelligence unit, having each others backs, putting their lives in each other's hands every single day... there is a bond that forms that is difficult to explain to a lay person. But, his poor word choice aside, he knew what Lucas meant. And the truth was... complicated. No, they weren't _just partners_. He loved Erin; he was _in love_ with Erin. He wanted to be a lot more than partners. But he couldn't exactly tell Lucas that without telling Erin first. And he wasn't ready to tell Erin yet.

Nathan, sensing Jay's discomfort, decided to interrupt and answer for him. "For now." He looked to Jay for validation, "Right?"

 _That's reasonable,_ Jay thought. _Jesus, why couldn't I come up with that myself._ Jay nodded at Nathan and turned to Lucas, "Yes. For now."

"Okay. Well, if you ever intend to date _Erin_ ," Lucas began, "Sorry. I know that's her name now, I just cannot get used to it. Do you care if I call her Brooke?"

 _So he did notice_. "Of course not," Jay said quickly, his cheeks reddening with embarrassment.

"Seeing you and Brooke together, we can all tell there is something go on there." Lucas started again.

Jay was beginning to feel irritated by this conversation. Lucas clearly had something he get off his chest, but he could have just said it from the beginning. He didn't need to try to get something out of Jay and pry into his and Erin's relationship status; and he certainly didn't need to make Jay sit there uncomfortably and answer questions he clearly didn't need answered. He liked Nathan, he seemed like a straight shooter and had always been direct with him. Lucas seemed to beat around the bush, and for some reason, it was making him uncomfortable. He couldn't figure out what it was that Lucas actually wanted, and it made him feel he was walking on egg shells, like he might say the wrong thing. He hated that feeling. "And?" Jay said, when it was clear Lucas wasn't going to continue until he had a response to his statement.

"And Brooke has been through a lot. And I just don't want you to hurt her."

"Like you did?" Jay quickly retorted. Was he serious? He had talked to Nathan, he had read the book, and if that wasn't enough, he had watched Erin's face when she described her high school experience. How she finally felt like she had a boyfriend and a family, how she was in love, how she felt safe... and how Lucas and Peyton took it all away in an instant.

"Yeah," Lucas sighed, meeting Jay's eyes. "Like I did." He paused. He wasn't sure if he should continue, he could tell Jay was silently fuming. _I'll regret it later if I don't get this out_ , he thought, and he pressed on. "Brooke is this strong, beautiful woman with the biggest heart of anyone I have ever met. She deserves the best of everything in this world. What I did..." he trailed off, looking down at the table. "We have gotten past it. Brooke, Peyton, and me. We became friends again, and then we became family again. She was Peyton's maid of honor at our wedding. And did you know Sawyer's middle name is Brooke? There are no bad feelings on any side." He paused and looked towards Nathan, "I think Nathan would back me up on that."

Nathan, who had been sitting there quietly, looked at Jay and nodded in agreement.

"Brooke forgave us because she is the best person I know. And while we have gotten past it, the three of us... well... Brooke never got past it."

"What do you mean?" Jay asked, feeling confused. He knew Erin had a huge heart. It didn't surprise him at all to know she forgave them and that she stood up for them at their wedding. She was never one to hold a grudge. So she must have gotten past it if she did all of those things.

"Growing up she never felt safe," Lucas began explaining. "Her parents were never home, and she never felt like she had a family. In high school, when she moved in with Peyton and she finally felt like she had found a family, we..." Lucas' voice broke at the memory. "We took it away." He looked at Nathan and Jay, both listening intently. "She never got past that feeling that it was all going to be taken away." He had trouble getting the next words out, "Even now. She lives her life like she is afraid she could lose everything."

Nathan watched as tears formed in Lucas' eyes and he decided to take over the rest, knowing his brother did not want to continue, but that Jay needed to know. "When she moved in with Hank and Camille, she was terrified he was going to kick her out. Every time she got scared, she would try to shut them out before they could shut her out. It never occurred to her that they would never have done that." He shook his head, in disbelief. "It took her a long time to really understand they weren't going anywhere." He paused, remembering when Brooke finally had her breakthrough with Hank and Camille. He wasn't sure if it was his story to share... _Screw it, none of this really is,_ he thought. "It was when Camille was diagnosed with cancer. Brooke thought they were going to ask her to move out. She only had a limited time left, and she figured they would want to spend it with just family."

"But she was their family," Lucas cut in. "I think those final months they had with Camille were the hardest of Brooke's life, but also the best. Because she had a family; one that she leaned on and one that leaned on her. She felt valued and important and loved."

"But then everything that happened with Nadia... losing her like that... it had her spiraling again," Nathan continued.

"She didn't answer any of our calls." Lucas added. "After Haley talked to Hank, we weren't sure Brooke was ever going to recover."

"But you changed everything for her. And the point is, and I already told you this the other night," Nathan motioned at Lucas including him in his sentiment. "We don't think we have ever seen Brooke this happy."

"Yes," Lucas nodded in agreement, "And that's why I wanted to bring this up. Because she deserves to be this happy, forever."

Wow. Jay was speechless. _She's afraid._ It unnerved him that Lucas and Nathan seemed to have more insight into Erin than he did. But at the same time, it seemed they had more insight into Erin than _she_ did, too. "I didn't know all of that." He said plainly, feeling grateful they had shared this with him, but also embarrassed and stupid that he hadn't been able to figure this out for himself.

"We've known her a long time." Nathan said, waving his hand dismissively. "And like Luke said before, she's the strongest-"

"Who's the strongest?" Haley interrupted her husband, sitting down on the bench next to her husband. Erin trailed behind, talking to Peyton and holding Isabelle.

"Hi guys! Did you order?" Erin smiled warmly at the group, not knowing anything about the conversation she had just missed. She looked beautiful, Jay thought. Holding Isabelle and spending time with her friends, she seemed more relaxed than he had seen her in a long time. "We are starving! Right Iz?"

"Yes!" Isabelle reached out her arms to Jay, and Jay placed Isabelle on his lap.

"Wait," Haley said, focusing her attention back on her husband as Erin and Peyton took their seats. "Who is the strongest?"

Nathan looked at Jay and Lucas for some help, but they offered none. "I was just saying that Brooke is the strongest girl I know... you know, being a detective and all." Erin smiled at him, as he finished his thought, "But I could still take her."

Erin's smile turned to a scowl, "You think you could take me in a fight? Not a chance!" She laughed and turned to Jay, who now had Isabelle on his lap. "Halstead, back me up on this!"

"Yeah, Halstead! Tell Nathan that Erin Brooke could kick Nathan's butt!" Isabelle chimed in. She had been confused at first when the Scotts had called Erin 'Brooke'. Erin explained that it was a nickname that her friends from back home in North Carolina called her. She didn't seem to question it, and began calling her Erin Brooke in their presence.

"I'm not touching that one..." Jay replied. Erin shoved Jay playfully, and then high-fived Isabelle. Jay laughed, happy to have Erin back at the table and enjoying their easy banter.

He couldn't help but smile as he watched as Erin enthusiastically argue with her friends about the effectiveness of her right hook. He thought back to their conversation earlier that morning, when he had told her he wanted to table the discussions and give her some space. Listening to Nathan and Lucas, he knew why Erin decided not to tell him. She hadn't lied to him when she had said "I don't know." He truly believed she didn't know. But he knew... She was protecting her heart.

She was afraid of losing her family. He was her family. Whether they were partners, friends, best friends... dating... through it all, they were family. And she didn't want to lose him.

He just needed to give her the space to truly discover what she was afraid of... And once she did, he would be there to tell her again and again until she believed him - that she was _never_ going to lose him and he wasn't going anywhere.

3


	15. Chapter 15

**Please review :)**

Chapter 15,

The weekend flew by, and Erin returned home to an empty apartment after dropping everyone off at the airport. Her apartment seemed eerily quiet. As she sat down on her couch, she realized she had yet to spend a night alone in her apartment since Hank had allowed her to move back in. And to top it off, she had spent the last two nights at Jay's apartment, with him and Isabelle.

The second night Isabelle had awoken with another bad dream, and this time she insisted on Erin and Jay laying down with her until she fell asleep. To calm her down, Jay drew small circles on Isabelle's back, lulling her to sleep. She finally fell asleep after about ten minutes, this time wrapped in Erin's arms. They opted against moving her, and Erin slept with Isabelle in Jay's bed while Jay slept in the second bedroom.

Two nights in a row, she hadn't slept alone. Hell, she had barely been alone since Thursday afternoon when Haley had showed up at the district. Usually, she liked being alone. She had turned into somewhat of an introvert after leaving Tree Hill, and she always appreciated her personal time. Now, though, she felt unsettled. She wondered what Jay and Isabelle were doing.

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Jay had decided to take Isabelle out for dinner. Tomorrow morning he was going to drop her off at her school and then he was going to have to call DCFS. This was the last night he was going to spend with her. That idea depressed him more than it should have, and he pushed it out of his mind.

On the way home from the zoo, after they dropped Erin off at her apartment, he and Isabelle had discussed what they should do for dinner. "It's Sunday night," she had said wistfully. "On Sunday night, my mommy and daddy go out for date night."

"Where do you go when mommy and daddy go to date night?" He asked, trying to gauge if she had any extended family members. He couldn't imagine leaving her with strangers.

"Our neighbor Ms. Eleanor watches me. But when mommy and daddy come home, they always bring me dessert from the restaurant! We always eat it together with three forks, and then I go to sleep after." Jay's heart broke for Isabelle. Despite the fact that they had likely been selling drugs, they must have been decent parents. Isabelle was a happy, smart, and well-adjusted kid. Kids were expensive, and he considered the possibility that they sold drugs for the money, but didn't do drugs themselves. He hoped that was the case. "Jay?"

"Yes, Iz?" He replied, looking up in the rear view mirror.

"Are my mommy and daddy going to come home after date night tonight?" If Jay's heart had broken for Isabelle before, it had officially shattered. He slowed the car and pulled over, putting his hazard lights on. He stepped out of the drivers seat and joined Isabelle in the backseat. While this wasn't the ideal place for this conversation, it would have to do.

"Isabelle, do you remember the night that I found you under your bed?" He began.

"Yeah." She looked at him, tears already threatening to fall. She must have known where he was going with this.

"Well, that night your parents went to heaven. That is why you came to stay with me for a little while."

He watched as the tears fell, she cried quietly and leaned into his chest. "They're never coming home." She said, more of a statement than a question. "Nana went to heaven and mommy said that meant she was never coming home." She continued to cry, completely soaking Jay's shirt.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart." Jay leaned down, breathing in the scent of her hair and kissing her softly on the top of the head - something that had become a habit lately. "I'm so sorry."

When she didn't say anything, Jay slowly leaned her back so he could look at her face. "I have an idea," he said, wiping her tears with his thumb. "What if you and I went on a date night? We could bring dessert home and eat it with two forks before you go to sleep!" He tried to muster up some enthusiasm for her.

To his surprise and delight, she brightened at this idea. "Jay! That's silly. If we are going out to date night, we can just eat the dessert at the restaurant!"

He smiled and sighed a huge sigh of relief. "You're right, Iz." He ruffled her hair, "I don't know what I was thinking."

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While Jay and Isabelle got ready for their date night, Erin paced around her kitchen. She had finished one beer, and she was trying to resist drinking a second one. Drinking socially was fine, but drinking to escape loneliness was not a good idea.

She grabbed her keys and started to her car. As she drove, she thought about her most recent conversation with Haley at the airport. " _He's a keeper,_ " she had said.

Erin had confided in Haley about the night before, about how she had told Jay everything but that it still didn't seem to be enough. How at the end of the day, he seemed less interested in her past, and more upset by the fact that she had kept it from him. This had confused Erin immensely. She had also told Haley about the words they exchanged while lying in the second bedroom. How she had told Jay " _I don't know_ ", and she had meant it. How he had turned away from her, and how she had cried herself to sleep. After hearing all of that, Haley hugged her and said "He's a keeper."

 _What the hell is that supposed to mean?_ She thought, reliving the conversation over and over in her mind. She pulled into the driveway and turned off her car. She walked towards the door and knocked lightly, opting against using her key.

She heard footsteps approaching the door. _Thank god he is home_ , Erin thought, feeling relieved _, I should have called first._

He opened the door and looked at Erin with surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"I thought you said this was always going to be my home," Erin said sarcastically, walking past Hank and through door. She walked into the kitchen, and breathed in the scent of Hank's famous chili. "It smells amazing in here."

"I take it you're staying for dinner," He stated sarcastically when Erin sat down at the kitchen table. Hank walked over to the chili pot and stirred it, and then prepared two bowls of chili. As he brought the bowls to the table, he noticed that she looked uncomfortable. "What's up kid?"

Erin lifted the first bite of chili to her lips and blew on it when she noticed the steam rising. "I think we should bring back Sunday night family dinners."

"I used to have to drag you and Justin into this kitchen kicking and screaming for family dinners," he chuckled. He and Camille had insisted that 'Sunday night was family night' and Justin and Erin always had to be home for dinner. He didn't care that it 'cramped their style'. Actually, if he was being honest, he enjoyed that fact almost as much as he enjoyed the dinners. And while he would love to reinstate the Sunday night dinner tradition, he was also worried about Erin. Even though he didn't mind, it was very unlike Erin to just show up without calling, and now she was fidgeting in her chair. His facial expression softened and he looked at Erin, "How has it been being back in your apartment?" He knew it would be hard for her to adjust being back. She had lived with Nadia for over a year, and while she had slept in her apartment alone after Nadia died, he wasn't sure she had ever slept their sober. Now, with her Tree Hill friends were gone, she must have been truly feeling the emptiness.

"It's okay." She whispered, knowing better than to try to lie. "Quiet."

He didn't say anything. If he had learned anything from being a detective, or from being Erin's guardian, it was that sometimes silence became too much, and people couldn't help but fill it. All he had to do was wait.

"Jay knows about everything," Erin finally announced, her words rushed, like she was revealing a secret.

He raised his eyebrow in a confused gesture, "I imagine that was unavoidable this weekend." He knew she hadn't told Jay voluntarily and Haley showing up had forced her hand. The expression of shock and confusion on Jay's face when Haley showed up had made that abundantly clear.

"He asked me why I never told him." She began explaining the real reason for her visit, "And I realized that I don't actually know." She shifted uncomfortably, embarrassed by her admission.

"Ah." Hank sighed, leaning his head back in a subtle nod of understanding.

She waited for him to say something more. When he didn't she gestured her hand at him, signaling for him to continue. She was still holding her spoon in her hand, and some chili fell on to the table from her waving motions. "Sorry," she said, wiping up the mess with her napkin.

"Don't worry about it," he motioned his hand dismissively, and then looked back at her. "Listen, Erin." While she was waiting for him to speak, he had been deciding exactly what to say. "Camille used to say, the first man a girl loves should always be her dad." Erin looked up at him, a look of surprise but also deep sadness coming over her face. "And as much as you loved your father, I don't think that relationship was what Camille had in mind when she said that."

Erin nodded in agreement. She had loved her father, but more than anything she had just wanted his attention and approval. She had gotten neither, she thought bitterly.

Hank really hadn't wanted to get into Erin's issues with her father, and his heart broke at the expression of anguish that came over her face when he mentioned him. He decided to change his approach, "Remember when I told you that you left a string of broken hearts behind since you were 15?"

She smiled at him, recalling the day Hank had forbid her to date Jay, claiming 'it's Halstead I'm looking out for'. He definitely had the overprotective father thing down. "Yeah, I remember."

"You break peoples hearts before they can break yours." Hank said matter-of-factly, his voice gruff.

Erin thought about this. Hank was echoing the same sentiment Haley had said over the weekend, when Haley and Peyton had followed her into her room. She knew they were right, but she couldn't recall ever doing that on purpose.

Silence filled the air, and Hank decided to continue. "That fling you had with Halstead last year." He laughed at her sheepish expression. "Yeah, I knew about that one."

She knew he knew about it, he had made passive aggressive, snide remarks to her and Jay all day. Jay had wanted to come clean to Voight, but instead she had ended it. But she had ended it because she cared about her career, and because of her relationship with Hank... not because she was worried about getting hurt herself. "What about it?" She probed.

"I've known you a long time, Erin. I raised you." He reached out and touched her hand. "And as much as I tried to knock it out of you," he chuckled again, "You are stubborn as hell. If you wanted to be with him, you would have been."

She sighed, knowing he was right. She kept her hand under his, warm and comforting. She wasn't sure what to say.

"I wouldn't have given you and Halstead my blessing if I didn't think you were ready for something real," Hank said. Erin looked up at him with a smile that didn't reach her eyes. "But you have to think you're ready, too." He tapped her hand with his, and then removed it, reaching for his spoon and taking another bite. "Halstead will wait."

She sat there, overcome with emotion. She didn't say anything for a long time, and when she did finally speak, it had nothing to do will Halstead. She looked at Hank, tears brimming and said, "Thanks for being my dad."

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He had enjoyed dinner more than he ever would have expected. When they got home from the zoo, Jay had given Isabelle a bath and when they were finished, she insisted on getting ready alone. "We have to get dressed up because it's date night!" She had said excitedly.

Playing along, he dressed in dark slacks and a blue button down dress shirt. Isabelle took almost an hour to come out of his room, but when she did, he couldn't believe how adorable she looked in her yellow and pink dress. Her hair was down and she had fastened a white ribbon into her hair as a headband, and she was wearing the sparkly pink sandals Erin had insisted on buying her. Later when he looked in his room, it looked like a tornado hit it with all of her new clothes scattered about, but he couldn't bring himself to mind.

They went to a steakhouse, where he had a steak with a glass of wine and she had macaroni and cheese with a shirley temple. She spent the entire time talking about all the animals they had seen that day and how much fun she had at the zoo. When she mentioned that her Nana had once taken her to the zoo a long time ago, he took the opportunity to pry into her family. He found out her mother had a sister, but otherwise she didn't seem to have any living family. He made a note to tell that to DCFS the next morning.

They had ordered chocolate ice cream with chocolate syrup and chocolate cake, sharing both desserts. She finished the night with chocolate all over her smiling face, and he laughed at himself when he realized he couldn't remember any date ever going this well. Of course, with Erin, they had been hiding from Voight and had never actually gone on an official date.

She fell asleep during the car ride home, and this time he decided to put her to sleep in the second bedroom. This gave him the opportunity to clean up the disaster that was his bedroom, and he always slept best in his own bed. Or Erin's bed, he thought, but then he quickly pushed that thought away and went to sleep.

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He woke up to Isabelle crying for the third night in a row. He had left both bedroom doors open, anticipating that this might happen. He went into her room and sat down on the side of the bed. He rubbed her back, "Isabelle, you're okay," He soothed, "It's just me, Jay."

Usually this would calm her down, but after twenty minutes she was growing more and more hysterical. He wasn't sure what to do. "What's wrong, sweetheart?"

She continued to cry, hiccuping like she couldn't catch her breath. "Where's Erin?" she finally spoke, followed by more tears. He realized that this was the first night Isabelle was here without Erin.

"She had to sleep at her house tonight, Iz." He lifted her into his arms, and continued to rub her back. She didn't stop crying. He didn't know what to do. "How about if I call her on the phone?" Her head was tucked in his neck, but he felt her nod.

He reached into his pajama pants pocket and looked at the time, 2 am. Crap, he thought. He didn't want to wake her, but he didn't know what else to do. He opened his favorites, and dialed the first number.

"Hello," Erin said into the phone, her eyes still closed, her voice husky with sleep.

"Erin, it's Jay. Someone here wants to talk to you!" He spoke with enthusiasm, but she could tell it was fake. She sensed the anxiety on the edge of his words.

"Er... in." She heard Isabelle hiccup, and then she heard her muffled crying.

She opened her eyes and sat up. "I'll be right there, Iz." She said, hanging up and rushing out of bed.

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The knock at his front door awoke him. He looked down and saw Isabelle snoring peacefully in his arms. He carefully laid her down, made sure she was still sleeping soundly, and walked to open the door. He began his apology before Erin even made it across the threshold, "I'm sorry you came all the way here." He rubbed his eyes, they had not quite adjusted to the light. "Once she heard you were coming over, she calmed down. She fell back asleep," he motioned to the second bedroom. "Your voice must be magic," he smirked, his eyes still glazed from exhaustion.

"Well, that's true," she winked at him, walking past him into his living room. After their serious discussion, she and Hank had continued with casual conversation. She had watched TV with him until she was tired enough to go home and sleep without dwelling on being alone. She impressed even herself when she went home, got ready for bed, and fell asleep without any problem. She had been in a deep sleep when Jay had called.

She put her bag on the coffee table but paused before removing her coat or sitting down on the couch. She knew she shouldn't stay, she should spend a full night in her apartment. But hey - she had fallen asleep alone. The intention was there. It still counted...

She decided she was going to stay, and she turned around abruptly, bumping right into Jay, who had been walking behind her on his way to the couch. He wrapped his arm around her waist to steady her, as she grabbed his arm to keep from falling backwards. They stood close, bodies brushing, eyes locked. She felt lust spread like a wave inside her as she watched his gaze slide down to her mouth, holding it there. She could smell his aftershave, and it made her feel weak. Yearning for him, she eased closer.

He moved slowly, taking his time and prolonging the moment. He slid his hands up her body, smooth and easy, as he lowered his head. He hesitated, only for a second, then pressed his lips to hers. Softly at first, he took her face into his hands, and allowed himself to get lost in the moment.

It took every ounce of self control he had not to back her into his bedroom and rip off her clothes. He pulled his lips away from hers, still keeping her body locked tightly in his arms. "Time," he panted, "We are supposed to be giving you time."

"I don't need time," she said huskily, taking the opportunity to kiss her way down his neck.

If she kept doing that, he knew he would lose the little control he had left. His hands still on her hips, he moved her body away from him. He immediately missed the warmth of her body against his. "Yes, you do." Eyes bright, he looked down at her and made sure her hazel eyes were locked with his. "And I can wait."

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	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16,

"Morning," Jay passed Erin a cup of coffee.

"Thank you," she looked up at him gratefully. "How long have you two been awake?" She said, gesturing at Isabelle, who was sitting on the couch watching cartoons.

"About an hour," Jay said, cleaning the dishes from the breakfast he had made for him and Isabelle. He had woken Isabelle up early this morning to ask her a few more questions about her aunt. He explained that after he dropped her off at school, he was going to DCFS and they were going to help him find her aunt. He did his best to explain everything in a way that a four year old would understand, and she seemed okay with everything. "I am going to drop Iz off at school, and then go to DCFS. We need to leave in a few minutes, but feel free to stay here and eat breakfast." He motioned to a plate of eggs he had left for her on the counter.

"Thanks," she said, disappointed that he would leaving so soon. "Do you think they'll find a good place for Isabelle?" She said worriedly. She knew what happened to kids who ended up in the system. And she knew from experience what happened to children that didn't have strong role models during childhood. Erin cared about Isabelle too much to let anything bad happen to her.

"She mentioned she has an aunt," Jay replied. "She visits from time to time. She's not married or anything, but Isabelle seems to like her." He watched Erin as she sipped her coffee. She had only came over to spend the night because of Isabelle, but he loved having her here in the morning. Starting his day drinking coffee at home with her was one of the things he missed most from their brief time together. "You know," he began, focusing his attention back on Isabelle. "I think she's going to be okay. From everything she has told me about her parents, they don't seem like the typical drug dealing addicts."

"I have been thinking about that too..." Erin said, looking over at Isabelle. "She seems well-nourished, she loves school, she never talks about her parents neglecting her or leaving her alone."

"I think maybe they just needed the money." Jay finished with the dishes and wiped his hands on a towel. "Maybe they were just trying to do right by their kid." He turned to look at Isabelle, still completely engulfed by Dora the Explorer. "Hopefully the aunt is normal and capable of taking care of a kid, and everything is going to be fine."

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Jay dropped off Isabelle at school and went to DCFS to discuss Isabelle. He spoke to a counselor named Marilyn, and gave her all of the information he had. When he finally made it to work, most of the team was out following up on leads on their latest case.

"Sarge," He knocked on the open door of Voight's office, alerting the older man to his presence. "Just met with a counselor at DCFS. She said she would call you or me with any updates she has."

"Thanks," Voight didn't look up from his paperwork. "Erin is paired with Dawson today, they went to see the manager of the apartment building to get the security camera footage." He signaled for Halstead to go back to his desk to wait for the rest of the team to return with any new information. He paired Erin with Dawson because Halstead was out when the warrant finally came in for the security camera footage, but he also was happy to give Halstead and Lindsay a day off from each other. She wasn't going to get any thinking done if they spent the day making googly eyes at each other.

The day passed slowly and they continued to work on the case. Erin enjoyed spending the day partnered with Dawson, but it meant she had little time to spend with Jay.

After lunch, when Erin and Dawson were standing over Mouse and reviewing the security camera footage, Jay received a call. Erin watched as he stepped out of earshot to take the call. When he came back in, he beelined for Voight's office and spent several minutes in there. Erin watched from where she stood across the bullpen, but she couldn't make out what they were saying. She noted that his expression was serious, but neither seemed particularly upset. When Jay was finished speaking with Hank, he walked out and, without looking over at Erin or speaking to the rest of the team, he grabbed his coat and walked quickly out the door. Erin watched him go, confused and wondering what that conversation had been about.

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Erin was surprised when Halstead had not returned to work for the rest of the day. She just arrive home from work and she considered sending him a text message to make sure everything was okay, but then she opted against it. Jay hated texting, and she was sure he would respond with one or two words. It wouldn't supply any information and it would probably lead to her obsessing about it all day.

This morning had been really nice. After rushing over to Jay's in the middle of the night, she had struggled to fall back sleep. She was in the second bedroom sleeping with Isabelle, and all she wanted to do was walk into Jay's room and jump him. The kiss they had shared had been amazing. It had ignited her insides and she spent the rest of the night restless, craving Jay's touch. It was sexy and smoldering, but it was also filled with love and tenderness... Which is the way she would also describe Jay.

But this morning had been something entirely different. He had made her coffee, they had shared easy and meaningful conversation. It reminded her of Nathan and Haley, spending there mornings together, completely engaged in each other while also keeping an eye out for their kids in the next room.

She had always been jealous of Nathan and Haley and their family. Even though they welcomed her with open arms, she was still just the Aunt. She had always wanted a family of her own.

 _With Jay,_ she thought suddenly. The realization washed over her, and she found herself surprised she had never thought about this before. She had always wanted a family. When she was younger, a family meant parents and siblings. Hank, Camille, Justin... they had given her those things. But at some point, the nature of her desires had shifted. As she got older, she began to want what Nathan and Haley had. She wanted her own family. A husband and kids.

 _Jay won't want to have kids with you_ , she thought immediately. Jay had grown up in a normal family. He had normal parents, a brother who was a doctor. He had a cabin in Wisconsin. He was going to want to have kids with someone normal. He would never want kids with a girl who doesn't even know what normal is. She had slept around from the age of 15, she had relapsed or almost relapsed more times than she wanted to admit... she was the opposite of normal.

Her stream of consciousness surprised her, and suddenly a new realization hit her and her breath caught in her throat. _That's why I didn't tell him._ She wanted to create a life with him. She craved normalcy and family, and she wanted to do it all with Jay. When they had been dating before, and he had suggested that they retire in Wisconsin, she had felt secure in the knowledge that Jay would want those things too. _As long as he didn't know about my past_.

She jumped up and threw on her jacket. She grabbed her keys and ran out of the door. She was ready to be honest with herself and she was ready to be honest with Jay.

She knew, now, the reason she didn't want to tell him. She didn't want to lose the fantasy she had of him and of their life together. Spending their mornings drinking coffee in their kitchen, spending nights snuggled together on their couch. Their kids, their grandkids. Growing old together.

She parked in the closest parking spot, and ran up the three flights of stairs to his apartment. She knocked loudly on the door, breathing heavily from the anxiety, excitement, and from her run up the stairs. She heard footsteps and waited for Jay to open the door.

Instead of Jay, Erin's eyes fell on a young brunette. Erin recognized the shirt she was wearing, it was one of Jay's t-shirts. One of her favorites. It said ARMY on it, and was worn out and soft. She had thrown it on once after they had slept together, and she noticed it had a hole in the armpit. She had teased him about it, and he said it was one of his favorites and he could never bring himself to get rid of it.

She was wearing plaid boxer shorts that peaked out underneath the shirt, but did nothing to hide her long, tanned legs. She looked like she was maybe 25, and she was tall, thin, and gorgeous. Her hair was wet from the shower in a bun on top of her head, and her face was clear. Even with no makeup, she was beautiful.

"Can I help you with something?" She said, seemingly irritated that Erin was sizing her up.

At that exact moment, Jay walked out of his bedroom. A towel hung low, wrapped around his waist. His taut, muscular body was glistening with water, barely dry from the shower. "Hey," he said nonchalantly, as if this was the most normal thing in the world. He raised his eyebrows like he was surprised to see her, but remained casual. Erin could feel the anger and hurt rising in her body as he moved towards them. "What are you doing here?"

 _So much for 'I can wait'._ "Uh... nothing." She stammered, and then she turned and ran for the stairwell. She flew down the three flights of stairs and held in her tears until she reached the car. She closed the car door before she broke down in sobs.

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I know I left you with a cliffhanger.. but not worry! The next chapter is written, and I am just putting the finishing touches on it and then will update tomorrow :)


	17. Chapter 17

**OK. Two updates in one night! I'm seriously procrastinating studying right now. There might be a third update soon...**

Chapter 17,

In the early afternoon while Jay was at at work, he finally got the call he had been waiting for. Marilyn had located Isabelle's Aunt Lauren. After he ended the call with Marilyn, he stepped into Voight's office.

"That was DCFS," Halstead closed the door and took a seat across from Voight. "Isabelle has an aunt, her mom's sister."

"That's great, Halstead." Voight replied, giving him a genuine smile. "Where is she? Did you tell DCFS to bring her here?" Voight always had a soft spot for children, and he was glad to know Isabelle wouldn't end up in the system.

"She's a doctor. She works at Northwestern, lives here in Chicago. Marilyn spoke to her, she's 32, has her life together. It seems like it's going to be a good fit." He had been so relieved when Marilyn given him this information. A 32 year old doctor, she was financially able to take care of Isabelle, and she had clean background check. "She's in Africa for some Doctors Without Borders thing and won't be able to get a flight back until the end of the week." He sighed and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "The counselor at DCFS said she can stay in a group home until then." The idea of sending Isabelle to a group home made him extremely uncomfortable. "But I was thinking I'll just keep her until her aunt comes. Marilyn said I would need permission from her aunt, but that it shouldn't be a problem." He said quickly, not wanting Voight to interrupt and disagree. "I just have to go to DCFS and fill out the temporary guardianship paperwork. It would only be until Friday. Then I'll drop her off with her aunt." His eyes had been darting around the room nervously as he spoke, and now he looked directly at Voight, waiting for approval.

"I don't know, Halstead." Voight said, mulling it over in his mind as he spoke. "I wouldn't want Isabelle to get too attached to you." _Or for you to get too attached to her_ , he added silently.

"Sarge-"

"Why don't you take the afternoon to think about it. Lindsay is paired with Dawson anyway, go to DCFS and talk to Marilyn." Voight nodded towards the door, indicating he was finished speaking and signaling for Halstead to leave.

Jay left Voight's office and grabbed his coat. As he walked out of the district, he thought about Hank's words. He had told Isabelle this morning that she would not be staying with him another night, and he didn't want to confused her. And Voight wasn't wrong... He and Isabelle were already growing attached to each other. It would be that much harder for both of them when she had to leave on Friday. Even if she didn't have an aunt to go to, he didn't think he would keep Isabelle with him. He had been relieved when Marilyn confirmed Isabelle had a family member to take her. He wasn't ready to be a father... and certainly not a single father.

But a group home... a four year old girl did not belong in a group home.

He sat down in the drivers seat of his car, and before he drove over to DCFS he decided to typed out a quick text message:

"Need some advice. Call me when you get a minute."

He clicked send, and then put the car in drive and drove the short way to DCFS.

When he got there, he met with Marilyn. She understood Jay's concerns, and agreed to give Jay the afternoon to think about it. They decided that Marilyn would pick up Isabelle from school and take her back to DCFS. He had until 8 pm when they closed to decide, and then Marilyn would either drop off Isabelle at Jay's or the group home. She had spoken to Isabelle's aunt, and she had approved both scenarios.

He left DCFS and instead of going back to work, he drove home to his apartment. Originally, he had intended to pack up Isabelle's things to bring to Marilyn - she was going to need her things if she went to the group home for the week. But he couldn't bring himself to start, and instead, he grabbed a beer and sat down on his couch.

He checked his phone for the tenth time in the past hour. No messages. Suddenly, he heard a knock at the door. It startled him, he wasn't expecting anyone and the rest of the Intelligence unit were all still at work.

He opened the door, beer still in hand, and found a tall, thin brunette standing in his doorway. "Zo," he sighed, exasperated. "Call me when you get a minute is not code for show up at my door." He shook his head, and waved her inside. "What are you doing here?"

"Hello to you too, big brother." She replied sarcastically. "It's winter break. I'll trade you my advice for your spare room."

He laughed, and wrapped his little sister in a tight hug. "It's good to see you, Zo." He smiled, "Can I get you a beer?"

"Nah, I'll have one later." Making herself at home in her older brother's apartment, she began walking towards the second bedroom to drop off her bag. "Let's go for a run, I'm training for a half marathon and I didn't get a chance to run this weekend. And I miss my running buddy." When Jay had been home in between tours, he had to stay in good shape and he used to drag Zoe to run with him. "Let me just change and then-" She stopped when she saw that the bed had been slept in last night, and there were a pair of small pink sparkly sandals on the floor by the door. She stepped back out into the living room and looked at her older brother, cocking her head to the side. "I know I haven't been home since the summer, but I'm pretty sure it takes nine months to have a kid?" She raised her eyes brows up at him in an expression of confusion.

"I didn't have a kid, Zo." He began walking towards his room to get changed for their run. "Let's go for that run and I'll fill you in after."

Because of Zoe's training schedule, they ran five fast miles and then slowed down to jog two more. During their jog, Jay filled Zoe in on the recent developments regarding Isabelle and the group home. He told her about his first thought was to have Isabelle stay with him for the next few days and about Voight's concerns.

"Who would've thought having a little sister getting her masters in marriage and family therapy would come in handy," He joked, earning himself a playful shove from his sister. They finished their two miles, and began walking the short way back to his apartment.

"Honestly, Jay." Zoe replied, breathing heavily from their run. She understood Voight's concerns. She knew her brother, and her brother had a huge heart. "There is no question in my mind that you will grow too attached and end up getting hurt." She paused, knowing that wasn't the question Jay wanted answered. He gave her an annoyed expression, and she raised her hands defensively. "Hey, I'm just looking out for you. I know you are looking out for her, but someone has to look out for you, too."

"I appreciate that, Zo." He put his arms around her shoulders and pulled her into him as they walked. Ever since their mom died, she had taken over the caretaker role in the family. Their dad was useless in that department, and even though she was the youngest, she was always looking out for him. He didn't need it right now, though. "But I'm more worried about her than me."

"I know. And that's why I prefaced this by saying you will miss Isabelle when she leaves. Because I want you to be prepared for that." She leaned into her brother. God, she had really missed him. "But Isabelle is four. From what you've said to me, she is a resilient little girl, plus she will be leaving to live with family. She can stay with you for a few more days, and she will be fine. She'll be better than fine, because no way does a four year old girl belong in a Chicago group home."

Jay was relieved. Zoe was right. He had been overthinking everything, Isabelle would be fine. "Thanks, Zo." They began to walk the three flights of stairs up to his apartment. "I'll take a quick shower and then I'll go pick her up from DCFS."

They walked into Jay's apartment, and he turned towards his sister as she walked towards the second bedroom and bathroom. "Do you have everything you need? There should be shampoo and conditioner in the bathroom. Actually, come in to my bathroom for a towel. I have had a lot of guests recently and I haven't had a chance to do laundry."

Zoe followed Jay into his room. She grabbed a towel from his bathroom closet, and on her way out, she spotted his ARMY t-shirt folded on his dresser. She lifted it up, and made a face, "God, Jay, seriously? This shirt is older than me. It has holes in it!"

"Hey," he said, grabbing the shirt from her defensively. "It's my favorite shirt."

"Yeah, I know." She quickly grabbed the shirt back and ran out the door. "I'm doing you a favor!" Laughing and still holding his shirt, she walked into the second bathroom and began to get ready for her shower.

Growing up, Will, Jay, and Zoe had shared a bathroom. Zoe had her older brothers well trained, and they always kept the seat down and the bathroom clean. When they got older and began shaving, they never left any hair in the sink. As a compromise, she used to take lightning fast showers to not waste all of the hot water, which was always in short supply in Chicago winters. It had become a habit she had never grown out of, and 6 minutes after she stepped in the shower, she was already out, body dried off, with her wet hair in a bun on top of her head.

Suddenly, she heard an urgent and loud knock at the door. She assumed Jay was still in the shower, so she quickly threw on Jay's ARMY t-shirt. She hadn't unpacked her own clothes yet, plus wearing Jay's favorite shirt gave her the added bonus of pissing him off, the way only a little sister can. She had been stealing his stuff since she was a little girl, and it drove him crazy.

Half dressed, she went to open the door. It opened to reveal a brunette clad in jeans, boots, and a black winter coat. She looked very surprised to see Zoe standing there, and she could tell the woman was sizing her up and down. She would think it was funny, except she was barely wearing any clothes, so instead it made her slightly uncomfortable. "Can I help you with something?" There was an edge to her voice that she hadn't fully intended.

The woman shifted uncomfortably and then her eyes moved behind her as Jay walked out of his room. He must've just gotten out of the shower, because he was still soaking wet and was only wearing a towel. Growing up with two brothers, this didn't faze Zoe in the slightest - but she noticed the brunette could not take her eyes off of her brother's naked chest. _Now I am more than just slightly uncomfortable,_ Zoe thought. Jay said something and began to walk slightly closer to the door.

"Um... Nothing." The brunette finally said, and then she left in a hurry, looking upset.

"That was Erin," Jay said, turning around and frantically looking for his phone. He would have run after her, but he had no clothes on. He looked at Zoe, who was wearing his ARMY t-shirt, and he knew exactly what had made Erin so upset. "Jesus, Zo. You're wearing my shirt." He rubbed his hand up and down his face feeling irritated, trying to remember where he left his phone. "I'm in a towel. Do you know what this looks like?"

"Erin your partner?" She walked into his bedroom and found his phone on his dresser. She handed it to him, "I thought your boss nipped that in the bud."

"It's a long story," He replied. "Shit," Erin's phone had gone straight to voicemail. It was 7:30 pm, and he needed to go get Isabelle. He dressed quickly and called Erin a second time. When she didn't pick up, he called Marilyn and spoke to her quickly.

Marilyn offered to drop off Isabelle at 8:15 pm. He didn't think that was enough time to drive to Erin's and get back here. He called her a third time, and when she didn't answer, he slammed the phone done on the coffee table.

"Jay, I know you're an old man and you don't actually know how to use technology," Zoe stopped when Jay glared at her. "Okay, okay. Sorry." She sighed, and sat down on the couch. "I was just going to say that texting is a very easy way to communicate with someone who doesn't want to answer your calls."

He called Erin a fourth time, ignoring his sister. He really hated texting, but after she didn't pick up a fourth time, he decided a text message might be warranted. He typed it out, but before he could click send, Zoe grabbed his phone.

"Can you please call me back or come back over?" She read aloud. "Jay, that is not what I meant. She isn't going to call you back if she thinks you just slept with someone else." She shook her head and rolled her eyes at him, exasperated. He may have only been five years older than her, but he was a dinosaur when it came to cell phones. Whenever she sent him long messages he would respond with two words. She deleted his message, and typed one of her own and passed it to him. "Send this."

He looked at the message, and deciding it was reasonable, clicked send.

Erin, who had ignored all four calls from Halstead, finally pulled into the parking lot at her apartment building. She opened her phone and saw a new text message from Jay. She slipped the phone in her pocket without reading it and walked into her apartment. She sat on a stool at her kitchen counter and poured herself a glass of red wine, trying to put Jay and that girl out of his mind. She couldn't.

After all the tears she had shed in the car, she felt numb. She couldn't stop envisioning Jay with another woman. A gorgeous, young, half-naked woman. She wished she had walked in on him last week, or even yesterday. Not tonight. Notafter she realized he was it for her... he was what she wanted, who she wanted. She was in love with him, and no one else would ever measure up.

She took a long sip of her wine, and finally decided to check the text message. "That was Zoe. Please come back. I can't come to you, long story. Hopefully, see you soon."

 _Zoe_. She breathed a sigh of relief, and tears formed behind her eyes. _His sister._

She closed her phone and dropped her head on the counter top. She closed her eyes and took a deep, calming breath. She was exhausted. The past few days had drained her emotionally and physically. She stayed with her head down for a few minutes, until she felt her heart rate return to normal. Then she lifted herself up, retrieved her glass of wine, and walked into her bedroom. If she was going to go back to Jay's, she would need to erase the evidence of her meltdown in the car.

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For the second time in two hours, Erin knocked on Jay's apartment door. This time, she did so quietly, reluctantly. She suddenly felt nervous, the enormity of her feelings for Jay drowning her in fear. "Erin!" Isabelle shouted when she saw Erin, and ran into her arms. Erin lifted the little girl up and hugged her. As she hugged Isabelle, she looked over her shoulder and set Jay a questioning look.

"Isabelle is going to stay here until her Aunt Lauren comes on Friday to pick her up!" He smiled, and walked towards them. Jay could sense Erin's nerves, and he placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Thanks for coming back." He whispered.

"I shouldn't have run off before." She replied quietly, her cheeks bright red with embarrassment. Jay hadn't removed his hand from her shoulder, and the contact burned her skin, reminding her of the kiss they shared the night before. Her cheeks reddened even more, and she forced herself to look away from Jay.

"Isabelle, what do you say we go get some ice cream in the kitchen?" Zoe walked towards Erin, and lifted an excited Isabelle from her arms. She loved her brother, but the looks he and Erin were sharing were so heavily laced with sexual tension... and there are some things even the closest siblings shouldn't be a part of.

With Isabelle and Zoe out of earshot, Jay finally asked Erin the question that had been plaguing him since she showed up at his door over an hour ago, "What's up?" Asking 'What are you doing here' sounded too accusatory, or like he didn't want her there. At the same time, he worried 'What's up' wouldn't get his point across, so he said it slowly, making sure she knew his question required more than the usual _nothing really_ response. They didn't have plans, and as far as she knew, Isabelle was with a new family and he would be here alone.

"I just came to say hi to Isabelle," she lied. "You know she likes me more than she likes you." She joked, trying to lighten the mood and ease some of the tension. The look Jay gave her in response told her he saw right through her lie.

Jay didn't say anything, waiting for Erin to fill the silence once again. "It can wait." She finally said, and walked past him into the kitchen to join Isabelle and Zoe.

 **Xoxoxoxo**

 **Please review :)**


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18,

Jay walked into work the next morning feeling particularly exhausted. After he followed Erin into the kitchen the night before, the night continued uneventfully. Erin slipped out while he was putting Isabelle to sleep, and he didn't get a chance to speak to her alone again. Zoe grilled him about Erin over beers and the Blackhawks game, and when he finally went to sleep he tossed and turned.

The team spent the morning doing paperwork, signing statements and documenting everything from the case the day before. That afternoon, the commander alerted them to a new case they kept them busy for the rest of the week.

The week flew by, and even though Erin and Jay spent a significant amount of time together at work, they were preoccupied and focused on the case. The banter and flirtatious conversation flowed easily during the day, but they both avoided having any serious conversations at work. Jay had promised to give Erin time to think things through, and he planned to stand by his word. He spent his evenings busy with Isabelle and Zoe, which gave him a decent distraction.

Friday afternoon came, and Jay left work early to go to pick up Zoe from school. He was supposed to meet her Aunt Lauren at the school fifteen minutes before dismissal, and they were going to pick her up together. Zoe had suggested that, as a way to make the transition easier.

As he pulled into the parking lot, he saw a petite blonde woman standing by a blue Honda Civic. "Lauren?" As he approached, he noticed that she was young and pretty, clean and put together, but that she also looked sad and exhausted.

"Yes, hi. You must be Jay." She reached out to shake his hand. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you."

"It's nice to meet you, too." He said, continuing to size her up. "Maybe I should move Isabelle's carseat and suitcase to your car now before she gets out of school?" He said, after an awkward silence.

"Yes, that would be great." They began to walk together to Jay's car, and he gathered Isabelle's things. He placed the carseat in Lauren's car, making sure it was set up properly. He was glad he had something to do with his hands, this encounter growing more awkward by the second.

When he was done, he got out of the car and closed to door. "She needs help buckling herself in," He began, shifting uncomfortably. "She can do the top-"

"But not the bottom." Lauren finished his thought. "I know." She paused, and sensing his discomfort, reached out to place her hand on his arm. "Jay, I can't begin to thank you for everything you did for Isabelle." It had been meant to comfort him, but suddenly tears began to pool in her eyes. Learning that she lost her sister and that her niece was an orphan had been impossibly hard, and now combining that with a day of traveling and no sleep was making it difficult to keep her emotions in check. "My sister... she wasn't a bad person." For some reason, she wanted Jay to know that her sister was kind, funny, beautiful... that Isabelle grew up in a loving home.

"She must have been a great mom," Jay said, now trying to comfort Lauren. "Because Isabelle is amazing." Her recent bad choices notwithstanding, of course.

"I'm going to take really good care of her, I promise." The tears began to fall now, and she wiped them away, feeling embarrassed.

"I know." Jay said, truly believing the words.

At that moment, the teacher began ushering the students out of school for pickup. Isabelle spotted them, and began running towards them, her backpack bouncing on her back. "Auntie Lauren!" She screamed, catapulting herself into her aunt's arms. Jay watched as they held each other and cried.

"Iz," Jay reached out and touched the young girl's back softly. "Remember what we talked about? You are going to go home with your Aunt Lauren." She looked at him, tears still running down her face. "But if either of you ever need anything, I am only a phone call away, okay?" He had spent the morning making Isabelle memorize his phone number, just in case of emergencies. He also gave it to Lauren, and Marilyn had it too. Isabelle reached out for Jay, and he hugged her tightly. They said their tearful goodbyes, and he began his short drive home.

He felt strangely at peace. He was sad, of course. He was going to miss how her face lit up whenever he offered her ice cream, how she helped him put the chocolate chips in the pancake batter, how she talked to him animatedly over breakfast every morning. He was going to miss watching her sleep soundly, and he was going to miss her waking him up every morning with her bed head and her smile. But he also knew that she was going to be okay. She was going to have someone who loved her and took care of her. She was going to be happy and safe, and that is all he could ever want for her.

He returned to his apartment and found a note from his sister taped to the fridge.

"Jay -

Went out with friends, don't wait up. Text me if you can figure out how, old man.

Love you, Zo."

He opened the fridge and took out a beer. He took a long sip, finishing half the contents. He looked around his apartment, and it felt eerily quiet. For the first time, he stood alone in his apartment and instead of enjoying the quiet space he felt overwhelmed by it's emptiness. He absentmindedly ran his fingers over the back of his couch, wondering what to do with his evening. He wondered if this was how Erin felt that first night alone in her place.

He put his beer down and decided to go for a run. As he got undressed, he spotted his ARMY t-shirt folded on his dresser. He threw it on, the soft and worn material instantly making him feel more relaxed. He turned on his music, and began his run. He had always enjoyed running, it invigorated him and relaxed him at the same time. Focusing on the music and his breathing, he was able to get lost in his exercise and let his mind drift away from the events of the past week.

Somehow, after a few miles, he ended up at Erin's apartment building. He hadn't even realized he was running in this direction, but now that he found himself there, he couldn't say he was all that surprised.

He wasn't sure if she would even be home from work yet, but he decided to take a chance and knock on her door. When she opened the door, she was on the phone. She motioned for him to come in, and when they walked into the kitchen she tossed him a bottle of water. He took a long sip, and waiting for her to finish her conversation.

Erin hadn't expected Jay to show up at her apartment, and she certainly hadn't expected him to show up looking sweaty and sexy in her favorite shirt. She wanted to peel the shirt off of him press her body up against his. She felt lust uncurl inside her, and grew increasingly uncomfortable because she happened to be on the phone with Voight. She passed Jay a bottle of water, and turned her gaze away from him, willing herself to stop her lustful thoughts. Thankfully, phone conversations with Voight were always quick, and she hung up the phone while Jay drank his water in the kitchen.

"Hey," she said, signaling she was off the phone. She hadn't been alone with Jay all week, and while their days at work had been filled with lingering looks and flirty comments, their had been no physical contact between the two of them. He had even avoided helping her put on her vest at work... not that she needed help, but she always welcomed the physical contact it brought and the closeness it required. The small brush of his hand on her neck always gave her chills. Now that he was standing in her kitchen, she felt a magnetic pull to be near him. He was staring back at her, and she knew he could read her thoughts.

He wasn't sure what he expected when he showed up at her door, and he definitely hadn't intended to make a move. But the look she was giving him, and the way she was biting her lip... His body just took over. He stepped closer and grabbed her, jerking her forward and up to her toes. He used his teeth, one quick, impatient bite, that had her lips parting in response. When his tongue found hers, the taste of her sizzled along his senses. His hands tangled in her hair, tugging slightly so that her head dipped back.

It was like being drenched in summer, she thought. In the heat and the wet. Every thought she had melted away, as her body clung to his. He broke the kiss and breathed her name. Before he could say another word, she shook her head and kissed him again.

His hands were everywhere, and finally they found her hips. He lifted her up, slid her back on to the kitchen counter. She quickly wrapped her legs around his waist, as their lips stayed lock together. Her hands found his arms and they grazed his biceps, moving to his shoulders, then his back.

He began to plant open mouth kisses down her neck, and she let out a groan when he reached her collarbone. God, he loved that sound.

She reached for the bottom of his shirt, and breaking their kiss, began to try to lift it over his body. His body was slick with sweat from his run, and the shirt got caught halfway over his head. She leaned her head slightly forward, trying a different angle to remove his shirt. Jay let out a deep, throaty laugh, and maneuvered slightly to help Erin along. His vision blocked by the dark green material of his shirt, he felt his elbow make contact with something hard. "Ah!" He heard Erin yelp.

"Oh my god, Erin!" He finally removed his shirt, and saw Erin rubbing her cheek. "Are you okay? Fuck! I'm so sorry!" He moved towards her, gently running his thumb along her cheek and then leaning into kiss it.

All of a sudden, she felt fine. The pain in her face melted away as Jay gently caressed her face. With his shirt on the floor, his bare, sculpted body was only inches from her and she reached out to touch his shoulders. "I'm okay," she said huskily, as she pulled him gently back into him. She pressed her lips against his and melted into him, once again.

It took all the self control he had to pull his lips away. "Erin." He had gotten carried away. Her sexy pout, that loan moan... it pushed away any rational thoughts he had. But they needed to talk before it got any further. "Can we talk?"

"If by let's talk, you mean get naked and move this into the bedroom, then yes. Let's talk." She winked at him, not releasing the hold she had on his shoulders.

He moved away, and she immediately missed his warmth. "You're killing me," he mumbled, shaking his head in exasperation.

"I know." She smiled. She knew they needed to talk, but she was enjoying watching Jay struggle to maintain control. It made her feel incredibly sexy, and it turned her on even more. She moved towards her bedroom, knowing he wouldn't dare follow her. He didn't have that much self control, he was a guy, after all. She grabbed a large t-shirt, and walked back out, throwing it at him. "If we are going to talk, I need you to not look like that." He looked down at the shirt and up at Erin, and sent her the famous Halstead grin that made her fall in love with him in the first place.

"Look like what?" He said, feigning ignorance. He felt so good knowing he had the same effect on her that she had on him.

"Shut up," she quipped, walking passed him towards her refrigerator. She grabbed two beers, passing him one. "Let's go."

They walked towards the couch and both sat down. The playful environment suddenly shifted as they sat together on the couch, his green eyes locked on hers. He looked at her expectantly, like he was waiting for her to start. She took a sip of her beer, trying to calm her nerves and avoid his piercing stare. She had a lot she wanted to say, but she didn't know how he would respond. Plus... he was the one who wanted to talk. He should be the one to start. "Okay," she said, shifting the focus onto him. "What's up?" This time, he showed up at her door, so she got to ask the questions.

Monday, when he had asked her the same question, she had avoided the truth, making up some answer about coming over to see Isabelle. He could do the same... give her a taste of her own medicine. But, he knew that would get them nowhere. And he just wanted to move forward. He wanted to know if they could ever be something real. He was in love with her, completely, deeply in love with her. He wasn't sure what she felt for him. They had chemistry, that was for sure. They had chemistry in spades. But he wanted it to be more than that... and he wasn't sure it was for her.

"I know I'm supposed to be giving you time..." That was all he could say. He didn't know how to finish the sentence, because he really was supposed to be giving her time. He shouldn't have just showed up like this. He knew he could answer a half truth. He could say that Isabelle was gone, Zoe was out, and he went for a run and wound up there. But he didn't want her to think he was just there because he was lonely, that she was somehow his second choice, or because his apartment was too big and felt like it was going to swallow him whole... even if that last part was partially true.

Thankfully, she didn't give him time to finish his sentence. "Thank you."

What? He hadn't been expecting that. He didn't answer, letting the silence fill, signaling for her to continue.

"I told you that I didn't need time," she began. She wasn't sure why he had shown up at her door, but she didn't care. "But actually I did." If he hadn't broken apart their kiss on Sunday night, if they had ended up in his bed like she had wanted, she never would have discovered the truth behind her reluctance to share her history with him.

"I planned to tell you about my past a hundred times. And every time something was holding me back. And I didn't know what it was." Ever since Monday, she had been trying to figure out a way to tell him everything that was in her heart. No combination of words ever seemed right, and she continued to use Isabelle and Zoe as an excuse to push it off. But as she sat here looking at him, she realized she just needed to say it. Lay it all out there. This was Jay. _Her Jay_. She could tell him anything. "But I do now," she said shyly.

He reached out and touched her hand, in the same way he had last time she had spilled her heart to him, less than a week before. Last time they were on his couch, this time on hers. But the intimacy and the closeness felt the same. He squeezed her hand, giving her the comfort and strength she needed to continue. "Can you tell me?" He whispered.

She nodded, his hand on hers steadied her breathing, allowing her to continue. "I go to Tree Hill a lot. For holidays, or a long weekend. I stay with Nathan and Haley, and I've watched as their family has grown." She looked at Jay, and she could tell he wasn't sure where she was going with this. She took a deep breath, and kept her eyes locked with his. "That's what I want. I want to have a family." Her voice barely above a whisper, "With you."

Jay started at her and listened to speak, her voice vulnerable and raw with emotion. He was floored. At her words, his face broke into a huge smile. That was not what he had been expecting at all. He leaned his body close to hers, not breaking their eye contact, and he rested his forehead against hers. "I want that too," he said, not able to contain his smile.

"You do?" She replied, shocked. Her voice still quiet, unsteady. "Even after everything you learned about me?"

All the pieces finally fell into place. "Yes." He said, his voice strong and certain. "It's because of everything I have learned about you." He watched tears form in Erin's eyes. "And because I love you."

Her breath caught in her throat at his words. She had let Jay all the way in, and his response had literally taken her breath away. She was not sure it was possible to be this happy, to feel this whole. She pressed her lips against his, in a brief, but sweet kiss. When she pulled away, she looked into his eyes and reached her hand to touch his cheek. "I love you, too."

 **So, I think I am going to end the story here :) I'm not sure how good I will be at writing Erin and Jay together... I will definitely write an epilogue though.**

 **Thanks for reading my first ever fanfic everyone, I hope you enjoyed it! And I really appreciate all of the reviews :) :)**

 **xo**


	19. Chapter 19

**Thank you all so much for reading this! It was a blast to write I hope you all like how the story ends :)**

 **Epilogue**

"Erin!" Jay called out from the kitchen. He had been dressed and ready to go for thirty minutes, and was now sitting on a stool finishing his second beer. "We're going to be late!"

Erin ignored him, slipping off the green dress she was wearing and throwing it on the floor of their bedroom. It was usually her favorite, but it just didn't look good tonight. Dressed only in heels and her underwear, she walked over to the closet to look for something else to wear. She turned around when heard a knock at the door.

"Mrs. Halstead." Jay raised his eyebrows up at her and flashed her a flirtatious grin. "I'm not sure I'm down with my wife going to a concert dressed like that." He began shaking his head sarcastically.

Erin turned around and gave her husband a smile. He looked so sexy in his dark jeans and his leather jacket. She stepped over a few discarded clothing items on the floor and walked towards him. She slowly wrapped her arms around his neck and drew him in for a slow, passionate kiss. "We could always skip it," she winked as she pulled away.

"We cannot skip this concert! Haley is your best friend." It pained him to watch her slip a dress over her gorgeous body, instead of peeling one off of her, but he pressed on just the same. "Besides, Kim will kill you if you bail on her. She has been talking about these backstage passes for weeks!"

Erin finally stepped away from the closet, satisfied with the black dress she chose. She walked over to Jay, and turned her back to him. "Zip me up."

He leaned into her and kissed the side of her neck slowly as he zipped the dress up. He felt her shiver under his lips and hands, and he was almost tempted to forego the concert altogether. He eyed their perfectly made bed but backed away slowly, regaining some control. "Nice try, Mrs. Halstead."

"Are you ever going to get tired of calling me that?" Erin turned around to face him, sending him a sultry smirk.

"No." He said it quickly, shaking his head, while his face displayed a huge grin. They'd been married six months, and he still couldn't believe it. He had no idea how he had gotten this lucky.

Erin found her dress purse and put on her fancy coat as they got ready to leave. On the way out, she passed the kitchen and saw the evidence of Jay's earlier drinks on the table. "You know. This concert would be more fun if I could drink." She pouted. "Or at least if I didn't have to hide the fact that I wasn't drinking."

"Er, why don't we just tell them?" He knew the doctor said to wait until 12 weeks, but that was tomorrow. Surely there was little difference between 12 weeks and 11 weeks and 6 days!

"Jay, I want to. So badly." She rested a hand on his chest, and kissed him lightly. "But I want to tell Hank first. Tomorrow night at Sunday night dinner, we'll tell him." She gave Jay a comforting smile, knowing he was nervous. "He'll be really happy for us, I promise."

"Um... I'm not sure he's going to be so happy for us, since he knows how babies are made and all." Jay joked, except he wasn't sure he was kidding.

"Jay, come on. I'm pretty sure he already knows we've had sex." She raised an eyebrow at him, and turned to walk out the door.

Jay followed behind, "Fine, fine. We'll tell him tomorrow." He grabbed her hand as they walked to the car. "We should also make plans with Lauren and Isabelle this week to tell them, too."

Erin smiled at the thought. She knew Isabelle was going to be so excited to have a little cousin. Jay and Erin had kept in touch with Isabelle ever since she moved in with Lauren. She was such a great girl. She was happy, resilient, strong, and beautiful. She had begun calling Lauren 'mom' a few months after she moved in with her, and Lauren had encouraged Isabelle to call them Aunt Erin and Uncle Jay, always saying that they were all family after all.

Erin had learned a lot about family in the past three years. It wasn't blood that made you a family. It was people who loved you and supported you. People who stood next to you and held your hand through the best and worst days of your life. People you cried with, fought with, smiled with, laughed with. People who you chose to share your life with. She had her Tree Hill family, she had her Intelligence family, she had a father in Hank, and above all she had a wonderful husband, a best friend, and a partner, in Jay.

And now, her and Jay were finally going to have a baby of their own.

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"Wow, I can't believe we are backstage at a Haley James Scott concert!" Kim shouted above the music. "This is amazing!"

"I have to say, Darlin'. Your taste in music isn't half bad." Adam joked to his wife, who had definitely had a few too many.

They were all gathered back stage, watching Haley finish up her closing set. Jay was hammered at this point, finishing his drinks and then trading Erin his glass so it looked like hers was empty. He had been knocking them back all night, and he was beyond ready to go home. He did have one person he wanted to speak with first, though. He walked over, and tapped the broad NBA player on the shoulder. "Hey, Nate." He slurred.

"Jay! Jesus, I don't think I've ever seen you drunk." Nathan laughed, as he went out to hug his friend. "Thanks for coming, man. We missed you this Thanksgiving. Haley was not happy when you had to cancel your trip!"

"I know, Erin and I were really disappointed too." Jay shifted uncomfortably. Erin had been seven weeks pregnant, and during the week of Thanksgiving she had some mild spotting. The doctor said everything was okay and they shouldn't worry at all. The baby's heartbeat was strong and everything was on target. But this was their first baby, and no way were they getting on a plane and flying hundreds of miles away from their doctor. Erin had been upset. It was her first Thanksgiving bringing her husband! Sure, Jay had been going to Tree Hill for holidays for three years now, but this was their first as a married couple. "I just wanted to say," He knew he was more drunk than usual because he was feeling sentimental. "Thank you for everything. You and Haley... if not for you two, I'm not sure Erin and I would be-"

"Jay." Nathan cut him off. Brooke had said the same thing to him an hour ago, and it wasn't true. He and Haley had known from the first time Brooke had mentioned Jay's name... and the thousand times she mentioned it after that. They had known from the first time they saw Brooke and Jay together... Those two were meant to be. Nothing would have stood in their way. "Trust me. You two did it all on your own."

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Jay woke up with a pounding headache. He couldn't remember ever being this hungover. He opened his eyes to see Erin walking towards him holding up a cup of coffee. She handed it to him, and the smell improved his headache instantly. "I love you," he took the cup gratefully and took a long sip.

"It's the least I could do." She sat on the edge of the bed and leaned into him as he drank his coffee. "I don't think anyone noticed we were trading cups all night." She turned and kissed him lightly, "So thank you, and I love you too."

They spent the day relaxing in their apartment. When they were halfway through their second episode of 24, Erin paused the TV. "Erin!" Erin was curled up in Jay's arm, and he had to move his head to look down and face her. "We don't have to leave for another 20 minutes!" He was about to steal the remote and press play when he noticed that her face had grown serious. "Baby, what's up?"

"You know, Haley got pregnant at the beginning of our senior year of high school." She had shifted out from under Jay's arm and was now facing him on the couch, her legs bent under her and her knees touching his legs. "And at the time, Nathan and Haley had been arguing about colleges. Haley wanted to go to Stanford and Nathan wanted to play basketball at Duke."

Like he did on all other occasions that Erin wanted to share, Jay reached out and laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. He didn't interrupt as he waited for her to give another piece of her history to him.

"I went to the doctor with Haley when she found out she was pregnant, and we picked up some pregnancy pamphlets from the doctor." Erin remembered how happy she was for Haley, but how awful those few weeks that had been for her. "I took them so Nathan wouldn't find them. I'm not really sure how, but a rumor got started that I was the one who was pregnant." She looked at her husband, and she could tell there wasn't a trace of judgment on his face. "It was easily believable. Everyone thought I slept around. And they weren't exactly wrong..." Her eyes shined bright with unshed tears as she held Jay's gaze. "I pretended to be pregnant for two weeks until Haley was ready to tell Nathan. I was seventeen, and I felt so alone and judged. It was so much harder than I ever could have anticipated." His eyes, his hand on her shoulder, his mere presence always gave her the strength to continue her stories. Strangely, it didn't hurt as much anymore.

"You're a good friend." He said. Even with the Tree Hill visits and the constant stories, Jay knew he would never know every story, every heart break.

She smiled now, getting to the main point of her story. "I have been waiting for this moment for a long time." She leaned her head into his neck and her body into his chest. "I'm going to walk into Hank's house with my husband and share the news that I'm pregnant. I'm having a baby of my own, and I'm not ashamed. I'm beyond happy and incredibly proud." She looked at Jay, wistfully. "And I know he's going to be happy and proud, too." She paused, and took a deep breath, now with happy tears threatening to fall. "Every bad choice, every mistake... It's all brought me right here."

Jay wrapped his arms around his wife and held her tight. "I love you, Brooke Davis." He never used that name, but he wanted her to know. He love every part of her, and he loved that part of her, too. They held each other for a long time, until Jay looked down and kissed her softly.

"You know." He looked into his wife's hazel eyes. She was the strongest, most beautiful woman he had ever known. "You've had a lot of names. Brooke Davis, Erin Lindsay, Erin Halstead." He leaned in for another kiss, this one slower, deeper. "But, I think out of all of them, the last one is my favorite."


End file.
